Personal Life Moment: Poetry 'At All?'

I had written this on 26th December 2016

That was the time, I had just begun the course of healing myself after a really hard time in life. I was without work, without love, without ambition and without health.

My surgeries were over but I believed I could be back in OT any moment without notice. I was getting better, but I didn't know it then. I had felt that I had lost everything except that I was still alive.

It had been just a month after I moved to Bombay to join work. I found solace that I could be by myself again, even so for counted moments. It had become difficult to believe and think about future. Because, I felt that most of my plans had come down crumbling in the past.

In the series of these falls, I lived some of the best moments of life too. I learnt to love my family like I did as a child, once again. I learnt to love, whatever little I had been endowed with. And I learnt, that this little was all that mattered.

I had come back, a little more wise. A little more cautious. Careful, that there are no norms, no standards and no formats that we could all fit into. So, I came back, knowing it was okay to be unsure, and it was okay to lay back and give life a chance to let you live.

I've tried to put my 'then feelings' in a poem called 'At All?'

At all?

The hazy life that I look into, with shades of colour and those of grey

What’s going to be the path like, no one is likely to say

I find it funny, when they know for sure

Their names and games, their curse and cure

Who really knows the trueness of nature

For, is there really any truth or lies at all?

We tend to crave for motive & meaning

I step back to hold my head and have myself leaning

In the arms of destiny and ventures of time

To humbly realize that I am just a speck of grime

In the universe of infinite and expressions of mime

For, who knows a speck could be the whole after all?

Its endless, the dilemma which always plays blind

With insanity and questions rolled into a mind

Chances to succeed are near over

If I let you and others, on my heart, hover

Then again, the question remains

For, is there really any success or failure at all?          

Snippet: Love-Hardened Honesty

To the wishes that come true and the love, that is found
And to the sleep that evades me with the thoughts of a man

And to every story that finds a beginning

I speak these words of passion & compassion,
Of turmoil & pain, of madness of the rain

Words of truth, devoid of delusional disdain...

That I'm as honest as I could be,
And that, I've never been the same