11th April 2020 – 18th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

29^th DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

7997 POSITIVE, 249 DEAD (3.11%), 774 RECOVERED (9.68%)

I didn’t write yesterday because I was too occupied (and then eventually tired of) with reading. I spent about 8 hours binge-reading and therefore it was a near perfect day. Naturally, I’ve been reading about COVID, my recent obsession. I read some pretty fantastic stuff. Links to some curated articles are at the end of this post. Please do read to burst some myths and know some history. It’s damn interesting.

(Cool new term to know: ‘Crimson Contagion’ – It’s a 2019 simulation of US’s Dept. of Health & Human services that imagines a flu Pandemic starting in China & spreading around the world. The simulation predicted about 0.6 million people would die in US alone. )

Anyway for today, let me begin with acknowledging, that the covid situation is here to stay. Accept it or ignore it. Either ways it’s going to happen. The world neither has enough infrastructure nor medical staff to keep on fighting it without a proven medication or a vaccine.

The news of 91 new cases in South Korea all among the ‘recovered’ patients signals to a pandemic which is here to stay much much longer than we’d like. However it’s not something the world hadn’t predicted earlier.

The research groups, epidemiologists, virologists, doctors and medical experts have repeatedly warned of an imminent pandemic and the fact that we’re not equipped to deal with it. And one can sense the truth in it by acknowledging just one fact.

The 1918 Spanish Flu killed more people (50 Million – 100 Million estimated figures) than World War I. It was a world-wide pandemic that affected people of all age groups, race, and countries and yet, we haven’t studied about it in our history books.

(Read this for more details & facts: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200325-covid-19-the-history-of-pandemics)

We’ve been so confident of modern medicine that we’ve side stepped all potential risks in the pursuit of economic power and bio-nuclear-tech supremacy. Regardless of repeated warnings about the abuse and over-use of antibiotics, we continue to buy them without prescriptions, pop them without doctor’s advice and modulate the dosage as per our feelings. The fall-out of the same is antibiotic resistance and development of super bugs who will mutate to be resistant to any known antibiotic to humans. This could lead to even common and otherwise, insignificant infections becoming fatal.
‘Delhi Super Bug’ is our version of one such multi-drug resistant strain of bacteria. Thousands of people across the world are already dying of this resistance.

Basically, today it’s a virus. In 2021, it could be a bacteria. Who knows? Climate Change, emerging bio-technology that can be disastrous to humanity, nuclear wars, loss of bio-diversity are all causal agents of a potential catastrophe that could wipe out our generation for certain and potentially our species, as we know it today.

We could first begin with accepting a fact, that we’re facing a magnanimous problem which has absolutely no short term solutions. It’s only a long tedious process of locking down and letting go of capitalist ambitions that could buy us time to find vaccines and medicines. Until then, we’re to stay back in our homes, as isolated as we can be. The 'isolation solution' is a medieval one. It worked then and it’s the only thing we know, will work now.

Unfortunately our global assembly lines are not built to support such unforeseen lockdown situations. We’re bound to run out of basic raw material to build essentials. And food. And medicines. The economically weak strata of the society is already facing crazy summer heat. We too will, eventually. Perhaps, the PM can consider providing a base income to the unemployed and daily wage earners to support them in such times. (It’s been done across many countries: - US, Italy, Spain and even UAE has opened an option for Filipinos there to apply for crisis cash aid.)

I want to remind people, that these are the kind of emergencies, you saved up all your money for. So spend on keeping yourselves and others safe. And spend on helping anyone you can. Offsetting expenditure for anything that can put you at risk is damn stupid. And if you’re protecting yourself, please remember, you’re protecting about 3 more people. Which is the objective, this month, next month, this year.

Early warning is that the world isn’t going back to how we knew it, at least until the end of this year. So brace yourselves and prep up for it.

We can do so by keeping calm, cutting slack, displaying patience and letting go. Whether we live with our partners or families or flat mates or just by ourselves. We got to keep it steady and chill. That’s probably the best way of living this through.

There is no reason for this picture to be here. I clicked it two days back during the full moon night. I found it soothing so decided to put it up since the context is so stay cool & calm, just like the moon.

Before I conclude, special mention for a friend Kriti Rawal and her sister, Shruti Rawal. Shruti’s EWOKE studio is trying to make hemp masks (hemp is better than cotton as it is naturally resistant to bacteria, can be re-used, is ecofriendly and pretty sturdy) given the situation. They are located in Hyderabad and have been struggling to find the raw materials to give this initiative a go. (https://instagram.com/ewoke.studio/ )

They've made a batch and distributed it to the police personnel working hard to ensure we all remain safe! See pics below:- 

If anyone knows elastic, fabric suppliers who are still holding some stocks, please do get in touch. Also, thumbs up for these guys who’re actually trying to do something useful. Proud of you both.

Until tomorrow, much love.

PS: Celebrities who live in the same house and still do excessive PDA on Instagram are really annoying. Please stop being so silly.

Also today’s recommended reading list:-

1.       Covid-19: The history of pandemics

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200325-covid-19-the-history-of-pandemics

2.       Why catastrophes can change the course of humanity

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190408-how-catastrophes-can-change-the-path-of-humanity

3.       Blaming China for coronavirus isn’t just dangerous. It missed the point

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/apr/10/blaming-china-coronavirus-pandemic-capitalist-globalisation-scapegoat

28th March 2020 - 4th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

15^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

970 POSITIVE, 23 DEAD, 80 RECOVERED

General feeling: “Today’s vibe was rather decent yet strange. It’s comes in when you’ve realized that worrying won’t get you anywhere. So you do the best you can and leave it up to time. Some would say, leave it up to God. I would say, ‘life’ J”

Below is an intrusive picture of a slum right next to my society. As you can see, the common play area is some-what deserted. People are probably trying their best.

Woke up in the morning rather early for a Saturday. Was annoyed at myself for not wanting to sleep more. Where are those days when 11 am on a Saturday was the norm?  I was glad that there were no work calls to attend. Feeling of a holiday, yay! Soon my spirits tendered when I realized we only had 2 days enough of drinking water left and Bisleri dealer had refused to deliver cans. Ugh. Wished there was an RO around. Anyway, my desi-self kicked in and I remembered the old good days when boiled tap water was good enough to drink! I was happy that there was an easy solution for at least this one problem.

The day went by thinking about the Great John Milton and the promise of his ‘Paradise Lost’ that I had to begin reading. An old friend & I have jointly taken up the project of studying some classic literature while at the lock-down. But my beautiful day dreams were constantly being disturbed with mundane obligations of cleaning, cooking and then cleaning once again. Somehow the day went by without achieving much but going about the chores and ruminating about the world situation somewhere at the corner of my mind.

Ended up speaking to a friend for more than an hour – the call was interesting because he made me realize that the only thing he’s really spoken to me about, has been Corona. It struck me that I’ve been so captivated with the situation that there’s hardly anything else I feel interested to talk about. Corona has got me after all, I guess. (Dark humor, here! I don’t mean it in any sense, literal or otherwise).

I immediately decided to take the feedback and challenged him to come up with something more interesting than Covid. He just laughed and by the time he could finish laughing, I had thought of five random awkward but fun things to tell him. Went on and on about strange topics like my extreme fear of crows and how I spent a night psychoanalyzing a lizard so that I could manage to lock it in the washroom to my sense of righteousness even as a young child. Until I chanced upon the matter of the elderly in the family. I’ve been fortunate enough to have met and interacted with some of my great grandparents and how this fact makes my life more complete. It feels like I’ve traversed a very long journey in which four generations have existed in some compelling frames of space & time. These frames are special. For our memories make us who we are. Is it not?

Memories are extremely complex. Their strength depends on how much we remember them. And how much we remember them depends on how strong they were. It’s really co-dependent, chicken & egg kind of a scenario. And when I come to think of it, it’s true for so many other complex concepts & relationships.

Love, for example, is extremely complex. Its strength depends on how much we practice it. And how much we practice it depends on how strong that love is. Human mind is as complex as it is beautiful. And so is human life.

The Hindu philosophy of life that my mother had taught me placed human life at the top of the specialty pyramid. Science places us at the top of the evolutionary pyramid. Seems like an acceptable theory, right?

However, apart from our great brains and thumbs, we have the potential to have great hearts. We have an innate capacity to exceed ourselves, week after week, year after year, generation after generation. This is probably a moment in history, which has given us this one rare opportunity to rise above ourselves. To acknowledge that we’re smaller than the grain of sand. That we’re dependent on coexistence with others. Other genders, races, populations and species. Can Covid-19 lock-down then, bring about a changed world order?

Probably not. What it may bring about, however are uncomfortable questions and their truthful answers in front of those, who are in positions of influence. Or who can strive to be in them.

The choices we make today and in the future need to be made with our complex brains but guided with our deeper hearts. That in itself will be revolutionary enough.

Signing off on a higher note today, than yesterday.

Realizing every-day that it was not ‘Ignorance’ that was a bliss, it was ‘Acceptance’.

Until tomorrow, keep washing your hands J

PS 1 : I stepped out today to help get one can of water. The journey to the society gate and back was almost as terrifying as being in a war zone. Everyone seemed to me as a walk-talking Covid transmitter. What a fucked up time, really!

27th March 2020 - 3rd DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

14^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

851 POSITIVE, 20 DEAD

General feeling: “Not so much of paranoia anymore. Coming to terms with what it is and what it is likely to turn into. I am not sure if acceptance has eased out the fears or numbed them altogether. Around me, I see more and more people acknowledging the seriousness and novelty of the situation. Across the world, people are now speaking up. Of lack of early measures. Of lack of tools and tests. But sooner or later we’ll all have somethings to regret and somethings to forget.”

A twisted turn came to the fear already created by the novel Corona virus when Twitter blew up with the mention of 2018 K-Drama Series called ‘My Secret, Terrius’ which has evidently spoken of the Corona Virus exactly as we know it today. The 2-14 day incubation period, the respiratory symptoms, no known vaccine or cure and handwashing as a preventive mention. All of this is a series that was released about two years back and now playing out for real in 2020. It was freakishly scary. Seemed like the movie ‘Inception’ rolled into the series ’Black Mirror’ to me. This was the last piece of information I fed myself with, before sleeping last night. Not the most apt thing to read to put oneself to peaceful sleep but information overdose is my thing these days. Especially on Corona.

Tells me that if I’d ever decide to do a PHD, it would be on socio-psycho responses to threats created by our beautiful modern world of greed and power. The tribal populations were banished for distracting us with importance of ecological balance and bio-diversity. We chose to ignore them for our misconstrued world views and irrational unfounded fears about power struggle. I am referring to capitalism. I am referring to communism. I am referring to world orders that we abide by today.

On a personal front, today was much better. I woke up to attending several work calls through the day, sending emails and checking out decks after decks. There has been such a work load these days, while staying home. Apart from household and usual work, people have this weird idea that we have a lot of time at hand and we can take up courses, pursue hobbies, talk to people, listen to music and do everything else in the world that there is to do. Honestly, there isn’t enough time. This time might as well be used to slow down and do those things we find joy & meaning in and not really a plethora of courses or activities.

Everyone’s trying to keep themselves engaged. Family WhatsApp groups have strange emoji quizzes going on, while our HR has begun a challenge in which you need to send pictures of yourself doing the activity –of-the-day. Calls & online-courses have also become compelling. Friends have found apps on which we can play games and do fun things. So much camaraderie and virtual gathering for what? To address our fears of loneliness? Or the pertinent need of purpose and participation?

Let not this period tire us down. I am only trying to make commitments that I can keep and those I care for. This time is teaching me to value what I must and ignore what I can. It’s building patience and resilience. For a future, I hope I can see with moist eyes and a warm heart. A future which has alive, all those we love. A future we’d like to step into.

The conspiracy theories against China are abound on the Internet. There is so much content around the virus that it’s nearly impossible to wrap one’s head around it. An option is to ignore and dive into your comfort of not keeping up with the news. To enjoy the solitude of your bedroom and watch fun happy stuff, binging on cheese & chips. Many are opting for the same. I guess its okay. To each his or her own. What’s not okay, however, is to act like it’s just a three week break and everything’s going to bounce back to normal in a snap.

Mind you, with this pandemic, I can’t even begin to articulate the width of the change that we all may personally undergo. Some of us may take time to realize it but it’s happening to us right now, right here. We may re-evaluate our life decisions, our life choices. We may realize who we truly love and what we truly enjoy. And we may take steps to lead a life more fulfilling than we already have.

An ex-boss and a dear friend had called today to check on me. It’s always such a joy to have a conversation with him. I have been blessed with great bosses in general. He’s super smart and I usually don’t have much to say that he already doesn’t know. But today came a moment of pride when I shot some facts on Corona that he hadn’t kept pace with. I am okay to enjoy this cheap thrill which equates information to intellect. Deep down I know, it’s not true. But I deserve my moments, especially these days, right?

Anyway, I am glad I was able to write something somewhat neutral today. Anything not bordering on depressed or morbid is quite an achievement for me.

Happy to sign off with lesser fluctuating emotions.

Before I go, would like to show-off my new writing space J

Until tomorrow, Let’s pray for those who need it the most.

26th March 2020 - 2nd DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

13^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

645 POSITIVE, 13 DEAD

General feeling: “Of depression and anxiety. Suddenly something that seemed like a logical step is now feeling cruel. It is settling in that we’re all stuck in this swamp with no clear timelines & solutions. It’s time to accept and internalize how difficult things are going to get for everyone. Especially the elderly, the poor and the lonely”

Today was particularly difficult. News of the lock-down leaving thousands stranded in unknown cities, mostly the daily wage earners, migrant laborers, women with small children,  child-workers, the urban poor, the lonely elderly couples. Practical problems of low-cash availability, poor essential services despite repeated confirmations from authorities and lack of protective gear for people stuck at railway-stations (like Howrah), or night shelters (of Delhi) have started cropping up.

This has made me particularly depressed. Not that I couldn’t fore-see it. But real life stories bring emotions to the brim. I read an article today of a group of laborers walking back home to Rajasthan as their owners shut shop in Gujarat. They had decided to walk hundreds of kilometers in the upcoming summer heat. A Hindi term that comes to mind – ‘Laachaar’. The maid who worked in my previous house called asking for cash since she had no money and her husband sat at home without work.  ‘Majboor’.

I had woken up late today, hoping for the sun to be at it’s complete glory. I wanted to wake up to hot summer sun with abundant light. It seemed to me that sunshine will bring some chirp into my other-wise depressed mood. Unfortunately, the morning was rather dull and cloudy. The air felt musky and uncharacteristically quiet.

I began the day with the resolution to work a lot. Only work was going to bring the much needed distraction. I had stressed enough about my flu-like conditions which have been keeping me low for the last three days. Also, my grandpa had slipped last night and lay on the floor until help arrived only four hours later in the wee hours of Wednesday morning so he could be lifted and put back in bed. It wrenched my heart to empathize with his helplessness. An 87 year old man lying on cold floor all night because his old wife and ageing son couldn’t muster enough strength to pick him up. Grandad (I call him Baba Sahab) has an issue with one leg and one hand. 

Despite his disability which has been ever since I’ve known him, he’s a jolly character. Always tiding by difficult times with such sense of normalcy and strange humor, he’s almost an inspiration. I managed to do a video call with him the other day. Took a screenshot of the two of us in the same frame, somewhere in my heart fearing the unknown. I am slowly internalizing the fact that there may soon come a time, we both may not chat again. Corona or otherwise. My grandparents are in Jaipur & naturally highly susceptible.

We’ve never really faced a situation when going home, or reaching out to loved ones was an impossibility. That time is here now. It compels me to feel for those, who’ve seldom had these privileges. Corona has brought many of us down to our knees. Including Prince Charles. Haha. No offense!

Doesn’t help that I have also started to PMS. (Yes, it’s a real thing that happens to most women). I get to know I am hormonal either when I get unnecessarily angry or sad. Today I got both. I cried because I was angry at someone’s casual harmless joke. What a mess!

The best moment of the day however has been the time I could take out to write this down. Writing is a real therapy for some. Hoping I can continue this for the next few weeks.

Until tomorrow, stay home. Wash Hands. Smile (try to?)

Questions & Answers

1. I lose my consciousness every time I sleep, so do I technically die and get born everyday?

2. It’s all about small -small choices I have made and I have to make and that decides the person,       I am going to be.

3. I have never made any bold choices ever or if I have, they are insignificant. This is

preventing me from being the person I want to be.

4. I have to stop thinking so much about everyday things. In the end, nothing is going to matter.

5. If people don’t love me, its okay! They love none. But if people don’t respect me, should I start

to bother?

6. Am I a leader of my own or do I need recognition?

7. I am letting myself being overshadowed in the name of love.

8. Love means selflessness. But I love myself too.

9. Who decides what best is. Ultimately, the question is what I want.

10. It’s okay to be unnoticed, eccentric, random and lost. Most geniuses have possessed these

qualities. Is this some kind of a relief statement though?

11. It hurts not to genuinely feel angry over things people are doing to you every day.

12. Am I rude?

13. Does she love me? Does he not love me?

14. I miss childhood. I don’t want to keep growing up.

15. Am I living or do I only exist?

16. Am I responsible for all my successes? If not, then I am not responsible for all my failures

either. In that case, why the f*** did I let others contribute to my failures?

17. Is it not possible to be a template normal and yet have multiple-personality disorder?

18. Is popularity a yard stick?

19. I like fashion and sex. I also like religion and politics.

20. I might be a science student. But I am interested more in philosophy!

21. Why are there boundaries everywhere?

22. Atomically, there is no difference between Bill Gates &  Mother Teresa or Rakhi Sawant & bin Laden.

23. I did well in school because there was no internet then.

24. I lost my proposal ring. Is it such a big deal?

25. I want to prevent accidents because I live my life like it was a video game.

26. Die hard optimism also means turning a blind eye to the risks involved.

27. Coffee and books go together. Who the f*** told you that?

28. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a person la la and la. How, if I may ask?

29. Waasup? I would be able to tell you better had you asked how I felt.

30. There was a time, compliments embarrassed me. Too much modesty! Do I crave them

today?

31. Am I shy or am I an introvert? No, they don’t mean the same.

32. Don’t play the reverse-psychology trick on me.

33. Those days when solitude was beautiful are gone. Now it’s a responsibility.

34. I crib when life sucks. I crib when life is perfect. I crib.

35. My beauty is inner. Please look into my eyes.

36. I was an open book. Now, I am a closed trunk of things which guise themselves as crap.

37. You think you are cool? Define Cool.

38. Samay-ka-mehtva was every Hindi teacher’s favorite essay topic. Any takeaways?

39. Life sucks? Break the straw.

40. Too many rules. Too much strain. Heaps of laziness. Countless commitments. This is what education does.