18th APRIL 2020 - 25TH DAY OF INDIA'S COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN

36^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

14,798 POSITIVE, 2,168 RECOVERED, 499 DEAD

General Feeling: “You know there are times you don’t want to seek or give explanations. To no-one. Not even to yourself. It means you’re fed up. Of so many things (and people)”

It’s been 5 days since I’ve not written anything. I was extremely tired of being committed to this blog. And there was more work than usual. Also, the house work was leaving me quite exhausted. Moreover, the summer is here and April is not a very friendly month in any part of our country.

Thanks to my privileges, I have a comfortable home to live in with good air conditioning. My heart goes out to those who have none of this. In fact, summer is least of their worries. These are the marginalized and voiceless people of our society who have no safety net whatsoever and live meagerly on daily wages or alms. Both of which have dwindled now.

I am not sure how I sleep every night very well knowing that there are millions without food, shelter or clothing just languishing in hidden corners of our broken physical and social infrastructure. The central government and particularly the PM have received criticism about lack of proper planning to deal with the poorer sections of the society. In the narrative of the PM, while we are "to show compassion and sacrifice for the country", what does the government do, is a question that remains largely un-answered.

Anyway, I’ve started to make peace with the fact that there’s nothing I can do (although my heart knows that when each one of us tends to think that and do nothing, it is genuinely just a state of apathy). I clearly, do not have the heart or even the balls to put myself at risk to do the right thing. I am concealed in my home and writing away is easy. Action, is what is difficult but also necessary. Being fully aware, I still just sit around and get on with the day.

A couple of friends asked me why is it that I stopped writing. Was COVID no more that exciting? Or have I run out of the will to make the effort? COVID is not any less pertinent or exciting. It is just a way of life now. Social isolation is getting easier as we build our new habits and routines around it. Also, as essentials services have begun to spring back to life, we have enough food and milk to worry much about anything else. Moreover, continued security of income fuels the complacency that is slowly settling in.

Some of us, I feel, are also becoming lazier when it comes to following COVID related protocols. We had placed stricter norms for ourselves than the ones the government recommends. We were taking extra precaution. Washing everything with soap, leaving away supplies for over 48 hours etc. etc. Now we’re starting to feel like we may be safe from it and COVID is not likely to infect us.

As per experts, the infection hasn’t peaked in India yet but that doesn’t mean that it will not.

We’re only safe until we’re not.

Today was supposed to be the day to chill, rest and make merry. But like most things, Saturday didn’t go as planned. First, the Wi-Fi was being a real bitch. In absence of good and continuous internet, how does one do anything at all? (I am posting this on a 3G hotspot!!).

Second, I stirred up a session of badgering and abuse in my engineering college WhatsApp group by sharing the # people who had gathered for several religious events in India before & after the lock-down began. These groups consisted of several faiths including Hindus. The WhatsApp group being a classist, parochial and staunchly ‘Hindu’ group believed that they had ‘tolerated’ Muslims for a very long time and the community was to blame for all the failings the ‘Hindus’ had suffered. My intent was to question all religious gatherings at such a precarious time and nothing else. My intent was also to question, why is it that we tend to sensationalize what we want to believe, propel and spread? The question is not just about religion. The question is about the hatred we harbor in our hearts. Despite our education, we continue to have closed minds. Despite our constitution, we continue to be section-ists. And despite our democracy, we tend to heavy hand those we can.

Third, I burnt my working hand with hot oil today shortly after this WhatsApp brawl. I am not superstitious but the thought that instantly came to my mind was that all the spite against me had manifested, after all.

I was trying to make moong daal pakaudis which now is an unfinished project. I am sitting on my bed typing away with a cloth dipped in cold water tied all over my left hand. The burns are painful. But not as painful, as some other ones, which lie deep in my heart.

Around 6:30, I finally told myself to sit up and do something calming. One of the options was to meditate. Other was to write. Quite apparently, I’ve chosen the latter.

Just as I penned down the first paragraph, came a call, which has deeply upset me. And brought back a turmoil which had taken a backseat amid this COVID crisis. I wept for a bit with my face buried into the keyboard. And like every other time, wiped my tears and told myself that nothing and no-one who doesn’t treat you right, is worth your time, and certainly your tears.

I told myself that I am blessed to have a family which loves me unconditionally, an education that can keep me financially afloat. A body that is not constrained and a mind that is open to challenges.

I told myself that I have savings to fall back on and a lovely sibling to laugh with.

I told myself I have friends who adore me and will be there when I need them. I’ve earned human capital through my some-what complex life and I am glad I have some jewels in my life.

I told myself that I have a house to live in, plenty of food and amenities.

I told myself I have a job to go, and a chirpy lovely Maybelline team to cheer me up.

I told myself that life was as empty or as full as I’d like it to be. And like so many times earlier, this is the time to embrace yourself and let life be.

Dev, (a senior in organization & father-like figure) has often told me, “Priyanka, chin up and chest out. You bring sunshine to the world”. I want to bring some sun in my own life which seems rather clouded today.

How does one smear through the clouds as the sun-rays do?

While I put up a brave face for my own sake, I must tell you that I cringe to be home. I cringe for love, support and intimacy. To hug and to be cared for. Just like any other human being.

Hope that’s fair enough.

Until tomorrow, playing the balancing act.

13th April 2020 – 20th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

31st DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

9240 POSITIVE, 331 DEAD (3.58%), 1096 RECOVERED (11.86%)

General Feeling: “I am not in touch with my feelings of late. I am kind of bored, tired, annoyed and sad all rolled into one. Also not so scared of COVID anymore. Experts say we’re bound to catch it sooner or later. So, whatever”

So bored that I clicked meaningless selfies and also put a white-black filter!

PS: “If we’re to catch COVID one day or the other and it’s only a matter of time, it’s best to delay the infection for as long as possible. As the virus burns through human population, it evolves to become less hostile and in the end causes only very mild infections. BTW, viruses evolve thousands of times faster than humans do. For them, evolution, mutation and cross-breeding can happen in a matter of weeks. Imagine that!”

It’s supposed to be the eve of the last day of our nation-wide lock-down. Several thoughts race in my mind today regarding this situation. First, that it’s starting to get on my nerves. But then again, I shouldn’t be complaining. Second, I really wish this was really the penultimate day of this lock-down saga and life was about to go back to normal once again this week. The cook would start coming in, I could order Pizza and take an uber to a salon!

Third, our benevolent PM is making a speech once again tomorrow morning at 10 AM. I wonder what the poor, un-educated, aloof might be thinking about it. Maybe he’s celebrating in his mind waiting for it to be all over tomorrow and he could get back to earning his living or going home to his village. Maybe people in their minds are finally relieved that it’s going to be over tomorrow, and those who’ve managed to survive are looking to find some respite in the lift of this lock-down.

However, what we hear is this ain’t happening. The lock-down has already been extended in 7 states. With the single highest death rate (#51) in one day, it’s highly dangerous to abruptly conclude the lock-down. Especially when our Indian authorities have finally hinted at evidence of community transmission (which btw, as per many experts had started about 5 weeks earlier in early March). Early feelers tell us that lock-down will be extended or if it isn’t, there’ll be a watered-down version which is going to stay for who-knows-how-long.

But honestly, are we mentally prepared to go back to the so called ‘normal’? If Modi Ji were to announce tomorrow morning that we could all get back to the drill 15^th on wards, would we be thrilled to resume where we left? Or would we say, umm, "I need some more work-from-home"?

We’re all tired of staying indoors and curbing so many of our activities. We’re tired of cooking & cleaning. We’re tired of not meeting friends and going out clubbing.

But perhaps, we’re not tired of getting enough sleep. 
We’re not tired of finally finding ‘me-time’. 
We’re not tired of getting time to spend with loved ones, either for real or virtually. 
We’re not tired of avoiding all the stress-causing traffic. 
We’re not tired of a to-do list that’s not hyper-demanding. 
We’re kind of okay. We’re kind of relieved. 
Even though we are anxious, we’re kind of okay. 
We’re kind of happy to have a break.

Now these are naturally mixed feelings. And mixed feelings usually lead to a state of being confused and being ‘blah-ed’. However, one thing is clear. While lock-down is difficult, it’s also a state of rest. Rest that we all needed. Not just to give ourselves a break. But also to be able to reflect.

And re-direct our energies towards what really matters. And everyone, is actually being compelled to do this. God-damn virus, what did you do?

I hope, the ones suffering find relief. I hope Modi Ji announces a universal basic income for the poor. I hope the cases go do down. I hope we save all lives. I hope Corona goes, but leaves back important lessons.

Not much today. Mondays are still Mondays and I want to chill and laze in my bed.

Until tomorrow, peace!

Personal Opinion: If you are willing, donate to smaller funds. They are probably doing more good than big-ass sparkling advertised funds. (If you know me, you know what I'm talking about).

11th April 2020 – 18th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

29^th DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

7997 POSITIVE, 249 DEAD (3.11%), 774 RECOVERED (9.68%)

I didn’t write yesterday because I was too occupied (and then eventually tired of) with reading. I spent about 8 hours binge-reading and therefore it was a near perfect day. Naturally, I’ve been reading about COVID, my recent obsession. I read some pretty fantastic stuff. Links to some curated articles are at the end of this post. Please do read to burst some myths and know some history. It’s damn interesting.

(Cool new term to know: ‘Crimson Contagion’ – It’s a 2019 simulation of US’s Dept. of Health & Human services that imagines a flu Pandemic starting in China & spreading around the world. The simulation predicted about 0.6 million people would die in US alone. )

Anyway for today, let me begin with acknowledging, that the covid situation is here to stay. Accept it or ignore it. Either ways it’s going to happen. The world neither has enough infrastructure nor medical staff to keep on fighting it without a proven medication or a vaccine.

The news of 91 new cases in South Korea all among the ‘recovered’ patients signals to a pandemic which is here to stay much much longer than we’d like. However it’s not something the world hadn’t predicted earlier.

The research groups, epidemiologists, virologists, doctors and medical experts have repeatedly warned of an imminent pandemic and the fact that we’re not equipped to deal with it. And one can sense the truth in it by acknowledging just one fact.

The 1918 Spanish Flu killed more people (50 Million – 100 Million estimated figures) than World War I. It was a world-wide pandemic that affected people of all age groups, race, and countries and yet, we haven’t studied about it in our history books.

(Read this for more details & facts: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200325-covid-19-the-history-of-pandemics)

We’ve been so confident of modern medicine that we’ve side stepped all potential risks in the pursuit of economic power and bio-nuclear-tech supremacy. Regardless of repeated warnings about the abuse and over-use of antibiotics, we continue to buy them without prescriptions, pop them without doctor’s advice and modulate the dosage as per our feelings. The fall-out of the same is antibiotic resistance and development of super bugs who will mutate to be resistant to any known antibiotic to humans. This could lead to even common and otherwise, insignificant infections becoming fatal.
‘Delhi Super Bug’ is our version of one such multi-drug resistant strain of bacteria. Thousands of people across the world are already dying of this resistance.

Basically, today it’s a virus. In 2021, it could be a bacteria. Who knows? Climate Change, emerging bio-technology that can be disastrous to humanity, nuclear wars, loss of bio-diversity are all causal agents of a potential catastrophe that could wipe out our generation for certain and potentially our species, as we know it today.

We could first begin with accepting a fact, that we’re facing a magnanimous problem which has absolutely no short term solutions. It’s only a long tedious process of locking down and letting go of capitalist ambitions that could buy us time to find vaccines and medicines. Until then, we’re to stay back in our homes, as isolated as we can be. The 'isolation solution' is a medieval one. It worked then and it’s the only thing we know, will work now.

Unfortunately our global assembly lines are not built to support such unforeseen lockdown situations. We’re bound to run out of basic raw material to build essentials. And food. And medicines. The economically weak strata of the society is already facing crazy summer heat. We too will, eventually. Perhaps, the PM can consider providing a base income to the unemployed and daily wage earners to support them in such times. (It’s been done across many countries: - US, Italy, Spain and even UAE has opened an option for Filipinos there to apply for crisis cash aid.)

I want to remind people, that these are the kind of emergencies, you saved up all your money for. So spend on keeping yourselves and others safe. And spend on helping anyone you can. Offsetting expenditure for anything that can put you at risk is damn stupid. And if you’re protecting yourself, please remember, you’re protecting about 3 more people. Which is the objective, this month, next month, this year.

Early warning is that the world isn’t going back to how we knew it, at least until the end of this year. So brace yourselves and prep up for it.

We can do so by keeping calm, cutting slack, displaying patience and letting go. Whether we live with our partners or families or flat mates or just by ourselves. We got to keep it steady and chill. That’s probably the best way of living this through.

There is no reason for this picture to be here. I clicked it two days back during the full moon night. I found it soothing so decided to put it up since the context is so stay cool & calm, just like the moon.

Before I conclude, special mention for a friend Kriti Rawal and her sister, Shruti Rawal. Shruti’s EWOKE studio is trying to make hemp masks (hemp is better than cotton as it is naturally resistant to bacteria, can be re-used, is ecofriendly and pretty sturdy) given the situation. They are located in Hyderabad and have been struggling to find the raw materials to give this initiative a go. (https://instagram.com/ewoke.studio/ )

They've made a batch and distributed it to the police personnel working hard to ensure we all remain safe! See pics below:- 

If anyone knows elastic, fabric suppliers who are still holding some stocks, please do get in touch. Also, thumbs up for these guys who’re actually trying to do something useful. Proud of you both.

Until tomorrow, much love.

PS: Celebrities who live in the same house and still do excessive PDA on Instagram are really annoying. Please stop being so silly.

Also today’s recommended reading list:-

1.       Covid-19: The history of pandemics

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200325-covid-19-the-history-of-pandemics

2.       Why catastrophes can change the course of humanity

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190408-how-catastrophes-can-change-the-path-of-humanity

3.       Blaming China for coronavirus isn’t just dangerous. It missed the point

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/apr/10/blaming-china-coronavirus-pandemic-capitalist-globalisation-scapegoat

9th APRIL 2020 – 16tH DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

27^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

6653 POSITIVE, 199 DEAD, 603 RECOVERED (9.05%)

General Feeling: “Great day. No cooking Day. Okay, less cooking day. I love cooking but 27 days of cooking all 3 meals a day is tiresome, and how!”

Today’s post are 9 random (some, fun) facts about COVID-19

Correction: It's the 16th day of India's Complete Lockdown (I've mentioned 17th in the video)

Until tomorrow, rest well.

 PS: Platforms I read regularly to know more about this world:-

1. www.hindu.com
2. www.indianexpress.com
3. www.thewire.in
4. www.scroll.in
5. www.nytimes.com
6. www.livemint.com
7. www.newlaundry.com
8. www.the-scientist.com

8th APRIL 2020 – 15TH DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

26^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

5749 POSITIVE, 164 DEAD (2.85%), 468 RECOVERED (8.14%)

+17% IN POSITIVE CASES FROM YESTERDAY. 

INDIA'S RECOVERY RATE, FOR THE FIRST TIME OVER 8%

MUMBAI NOW IN COMMUNITY TRANSMISSION PHASE - BMC

General Feeling: “Disinterested and aloof, primarily. Listening to Kishore, Jagjit Singh with the ‘full-moon- like-evening’ coming up all bright in the distant horizon. Surprisingly, it’s April and not much of air-conditioning is required if there’s enough ventilation at home. Also, we’ve entered into the second week of April already without realizing how these three weeks have passed in a haze.”

I hear various sounds around me around 7 pm. The church bell rings at 7 every evening. Followed by an aarti that takes place in a Hanuman temple around 8 pm. And half an hour later, I hear the evening Azaan. I hear all three coming in from the same unknown distance and from the darkness of the nearby slum.

Have much to say, but not much strength. So just reflecting on the journey of last two weeks:-

Until tomorrow, let's see how long is the lock-down extended

7th April 2020 14th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA – 2 WEEKS OVER TODAY

25^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

4911 POSITIVE, 137 DEAD (2.79%), 382 RECOVERED (7.78%)

General Feeling: “Habit is a great asset. It can be built under any circumstances. I believe it’s a great evolutionary genius that allows us to be okay, in many difficult situations. Habit of staying in has kind of seeped in. It’s not all that bad, is what I hear people say, 2 weeks into this lock-down.”

We have completed two weeks into an abrupt lock-down of a country that houses a 5^th of the world’s population. Without much preparation, without ensuring household and medical supplies and cash availability, we went into hiding. It is important to remember that top 1% of Indians hold 62% of all currency in the country, whereas top 0.1% hold 33%. What it means is that poorest 500 million Indians will be without any cash reserve until 15^th April and another 500 million will only be left with half their reserves.

This has already begun to show deadly outcomes as people do not have access to life-savings drugs and treatments with the focus of the system having completely shifted to fighting COVID. Tuberculosis, HIV, Diabetes, Dialysis, Blood Pressure, Asthma are some of the morbidities that require continuous care, medication and supervision. People who are poor and have illnesses (PS: Poverty and illness has a very high and an obvious correlation.) And no, those staying in slums do not have higher immunity. In-fact they are highly susceptible to diseases due to lower hygiene, poor diet and limited access to health facilities.

And then there’s the basic question of hunger.

Between 5000- 7000 die of hunger in India, every day. India is also the home to 1/3^rd of the world’s hungry. It’s the largest killer in the world. In India, we often wrap it nicely under the term ‘malnourished’. With the lockdown and the consequent panic & exodus, the figures are sure to have risen sharply. Unfortunately, hunger hasn’t gotten enough coverage and no one’s reporting hunger deaths in India every day.

(PS: This figure does not include infant mortality)

(Fun Fact: The government has no official data on starvation deaths. This number has been estimated basis various studies done by WHO, UNICEF and LANCET.)     

Therefore a question to epidemiologists is, whether COVID could be killing 5000-7000 people a day? If not, why are we fighting it like crazy? Let’s take the route of developing herd immunity and perhaps losing a few in the journey. It may sound like a really evil things to say. But let’s look at some facts to take the discussion forward:-

1.       Starvation and Malnutrition kills and stunts the country’s youngest. As per a 2018 UNICEF report, 38% of Indian children under the age of 5 suffered from stunting.

This is the lot of the Indian population that we were supposed to be calling the ‘population dividend’. These are potential producers and definite consumers. Both ways they help the consumption based economy of this country. Plus, if they are healthy (and alive!) , they may bring to the world beautiful, ingenious ideas across science, art, polity or philosophy.

This is the group of the population that represents “India’s future”

2.       COVID-19, on the other hand, kills the elderly. Especially the ones with co-morbidities. In fact, it’s been noted that children are somehow able to fight off this infectious disease without showing many symptoms. In a study of 1,099 patients in China, just 0.9 percent of confirmed cases were under the age of nine, while only 1.2 percent were between 10 and 19 years old.

Therefore it’s only wiping out the ageing population. This population, from a purely resource management point of view is not productive. By no means should we therefore, let them die. We must put in all our efforts to save any and every human life. At what cost, though? That is a question for us to ponder upon and find answers to.

Isn’t this something that politicians, economists, bureaucrats would know and take into account before making policies? Or are we responding to an unseen emergency with such definitive actions because it’s sensational? And it’s hurting the upper-classes and the elite? Because, their lives matter and they need to be saved?

It’s probably lack of information on my side that I only have questions with no clear answers. We need health experts across the world to give us a non-biased view. And we need a little empathy.

Sitting in our homes and staring out of our windows has stripped us away from the sensorial understanding of lives which are worse off than ours. We’re not seeing the road-side poverty and mentally disturbed beggars knocking on our ubers for the last two weeks. We’re not witnessing the stark difference in the food preferences of our house helps and us.

We’ve been packed away with internet at our disposal to watch & read what we prefer to. We have many means of comfort and entertainment, at the press of a button.

Let’s take a moment to consider what this lock-down has brought upon many others. Let’s take a moment to wish well for them, and help them in any way we can.

These days, when people ask me how I am, I tell them I am grateful for however I am, wherever I am.

(Video, Courtesy: https://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/newsfeed/2020/04/india-coronavirus-lockdown-sees-exodus-cities-200406104405477.html_

Until tomorrow, prayers!

Interesting & Relevant Reads which are also the sources of many things mentioned in this post:-

1.       Possible Biological Explanations for Kids’ Escape from COVID-19

(https://www.the-scientist.com/news-opinion/possible-biological-explanations-for-kids-escape-from-covid-19-67273)

2.       Chinese Study on Covid-19 and children

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/what-one-study-from-china-tells-us-about-covid-19-and-children-2020032319279

3.       8.8 lakh (0.88 million) children under 5 years (highest in the world) died in India – UNICEF

https://scroll.in/latest/940851/in-india-8-8-lakh-children-under-five-years-highest-number-in-world-died-in-2018-says-unicef

4.       To read more on hunger across Indian states,

 https://motherchildnutrition.org/india/pdf/mcn-india-state-hunger-index.pdf

5.       Cash Distribution in India – Cashless Indians after lockdown

https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/cash-less-indians-the-new-normal-and-survival/article31274464.ece

1.       Expert Epidemiologist, Director and Senior Fellow at the Center for Disease Dynamics, Economics & Policy (CDDEP), on COVID in INDIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrrsXCxs2xg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HmlsjsVCLQ&t=39s

6th April 2020 – 13th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

24TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

4693 POSITIVE, 129 DEAD (2.75%), 346 RECOVERED (7.37%)

General Feeling: “Reflecting about life is often a beautiful moment. Living that moment, however is surreal. I feel we’re living such a moment of 21 days, reflecting on many many things, which needed attention & time that we just didn’t have.” 

There is only so much one can open up about oneself. Or are there no boundaries?

As I went about the day, I wondered what is it that I wanted to write about in tonight’s blog. I had many ideas actually. I wanted to write about a recent conversation that I had with a bunch of friends in which we wondered why is it that it’s become difficult to find people interesting and intriguing. Why are we so bored easily? Why is it getting difficult to find such common grounds with people that you enjoy your conversations with them and can do that rather regularly?

Were we living in such narrow bubbles that we’re unable to find connections with people? Are we failing to see them as they are and are constantly templatizing and re-organizing them in our set boxes of experiential conditioning? Like, what’s happening?

We didn’t find many answers. And we were too tired to philosophize further. As I understand it, somehow as we grow older and our cohorts become narrower, the ability to find one-ness with another person in any sense, even basic human camaraderie starts getting affected. More and more, we look for people who’re like us. And when we meet them, we sometimes don’t like them. Yeah, that’s kind of weird.

Sometimes, ‘what we like’ and ‘what we want’ are different things. Most of the times, actually!

I also considered addressing the conversation around Corona’s communal nature, which has picked up steam in the country after the Markaz episode. I thought I’ll do a case study of world history to find references of when and how religion has taken more lives than pandemics or wars. How religious theories have burnt men and women, ostracized them, divided them. How religion, of any kind, is being more divisive at a time in which only community welfare and social cooperation can save us from extreme misfortune.

It was an ambitious project to undertake. It was going to need extremely thorough research with credible citations. It was a sensitive topic (read: hyper-ultra-mega-sonic-sensitive). So needed to be handled carefully. And these days, you never know, social media disagreement leads to crimes & all! 

Thank God for the lock-down, it’s unlikely I’ll be attacked with acid. I am not sure why I paint such a grim picture about social-media badgering in my mind. Is it the Deepika Padukone movie (Chhapaak) that I saw a month back? Or is that this topic is actually that explosive?

Anyway, the third and final option was to write a very personal account of suffering & abuse. Of mansplaining, of humiliation and of undue aggression. That would have been kind of crazy. Not just because, I’ve never spoken to many people about this or ever written about it. But, also because I was scared of stirring up the dust that had quietly settled in some place of my generally-worn out heart.

It would perhaps mean calling people out. And I do not want to do that. (Although one would argue that it’s the right thing to do). I am not sure why. It’s not that I am scared. Personally, I am just non-confrontational, I guess. Call it convenience, maybe?

I mean being in touch with oneself is a very difficult pursuit. And you never quite make it a 100%. You’re sometimes 75, sometimes 90, and sometimes not even 30! It keeps somewhat swinging but eventually improving. So I guess, no- matter how much we try, somethings, we’ll always find difficult to address.

This doesn’t mean lack of ‘maturity’. It probably means lack of ‘readiness’. The strength to address these things comes by itself and doesn’t come until you’re kind of ready for it.

Unlike love. Love comes in, when you’re least expecting it.

At least that’s what they say. (Always wondered who ‘they’ were and why they ‘said’ so much!)

So yes, it’s love. The only thing that transcends this animate & in-animate world. The thing that really matters and the thing which exists, in different forms, across time-space, planets and ecosystems. It’s just love that you feel when you’re in sync with the nature. Its love that is joyful and bountiful. Love makes you feel it’s worth living. Love brings meaning. In meaningless ways.

A set of people I love, - Ritu Kothari, Gaurav Nijhawan and their beautiful tiny Anaya. (Ritu & Gaurav are not just my college seniors and close friends. They have often been guardians and treated me like their baby.)
 I often called them Mom & Dad those days, 2010-2015 ish.