Leh & Bareli

It begins with a whatsapp message – ‘This is when I was reminded that I had really loved you once’. The guy was in a strange depression having watched a zillion times a documentary on the insanity and helplessness of a young father who drowned his baby girl. This documentary had caught fire on media and was being aired on major English news channels like CNN and BBC. No one knew why he watched it over and over alone in his dark house at Bareli. His state of mind and state of house was dark, melancholic and lonely. The scene outside was very noisy though. Violently noisy. There were railway tracks being broken, people were being hacked, communal riots were once again at their peak. The common public didn’t know any real reason behind it. There was maddening spirit, dust and lawlessness. The state was quiet, as it waiting for all of it to end automatically. There was little police action and a state of helplessness. Just violent reckless hunting. The scene could be equated with the 1857 freedom struggle when the peasants hunted their landlords or the Punjab riots at the time of partition. Sense, compassion and sanity had gone to the dogs. In this dark moment, he gathered the will to set all the past memories of weakness, love, lust and ingenuity apart to message her.

It was almost as if she could sense that he had sent her a message and what it read,  that she instantly gathered up her wits and shamelessly replied ‘ I loved you too, and still do’. Very well knowing and not knowing the consequences of her text, she hoped everything would just stay put. No status quo should be challenged or it could lead to more pain, more heart breaks. The question of their coming together couldn’t even be considered, unless of course, the divine intervened, if the divine existed.

She was far away from Bareli, in the lifeless mountain of the Leh rock land. It was so barren and brown; it almost looked ugly to her. She looked outside of her hotel window only to find the colors of white snow capping the shades of brown treacherous rocks as if it it could cover up its rude, unfriendly landscape. Even the sky looked colorless. She had hoped to be happy in the mountains. But here she was looking disdainfully at the deep, dangerous passes and steep slopes and wanting to desperately look out for some life. Maybe some grass. A small plant. A bird in exile? Anything that could breathe. There was nothing.

She opened the window and to her surprise it wasn’t stuck. It slided smoothly to the other end to let her experience the freezing air on her face. There was snow on the window shills too. She was a little excited to touch and feel that frozen snow as she remembered how they’d promised to watch and touch the snow together.  The snow was supposed to bring joy. Today it brought back only memories and a sense of quiet. A bewildering quiet. Not angry or dangerous. Just a maniacal sense of quiet. Quite the opposite of frantic sounds and loud anger prevailing in Bareli at that time.

The news of Bareli riots had made its way to every part of the country.  She had heard it too and hoped he’d be spared alive. She knew who was behind this. At-least she knew a bit, somewhat. After having spent years in politically charged spheres of Delhi, she could trace these riots to the involvement of his family member. His own brother’s wife. She wanted to tell him, who was behind this madness. But how could she? Why would he believe her? It was her, not anybody else who kept lying to him all her life. She couldn’t accuse his family on a phone-call and expect him to trust her so-called instincts.

But there was some evidence. Why did his sister-in law-abruptly fly to Singapore with absolutely nothing in hand? Why did his sister-in-law never love his brother? Why was she always aloof? It was so clear she was up to something when she used to team with random men who came home and held long meetings with her? No, there wasn’t a bout of doubt on her character as is usually inferred about women who talk too much with unrelated men. She was detached from bodily love. All she loved was revenge and massacre.