13TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL
ISOLATION
645 POSITIVE, 13 DEAD
General feeling: “Of depression
and anxiety. Suddenly something that seemed like a logical step is now feeling
cruel. It is settling in that we’re all stuck in this swamp with no clear
timelines & solutions. It’s time to accept and internalize how difficult
things are going to get for everyone. Especially the elderly, the poor and the
lonely”
Today was particularly difficult.
News of the lock-down leaving thousands stranded in unknown cities, mostly the
daily wage earners, migrant laborers, women with small children, child-workers, the urban poor, the lonely
elderly couples. Practical problems of low-cash availability, poor essential
services despite repeated confirmations from authorities and lack of protective
gear for people stuck at railway-stations (like Howrah), or night shelters (of
Delhi) have started cropping up.
This has made me particularly
depressed. Not that I couldn’t fore-see it. But real life stories bring
emotions to the brim. I read an article today of a group of laborers walking
back home to Rajasthan as their owners shut shop in Gujarat. They had decided
to walk hundreds of kilometers in the upcoming summer heat. A Hindi term that
comes to mind – ‘Laachaar’. The maid who worked in my previous house called
asking for cash since she had no money and her husband sat at home without
work. ‘Majboor’.
I had woken up late today, hoping
for the sun to be at it’s complete glory. I wanted to wake up to hot summer sun
with abundant light. It seemed to me that sunshine will bring some chirp into
my other-wise depressed mood. Unfortunately, the morning was rather dull and
cloudy. The air felt musky and uncharacteristically quiet.
I began the day with the
resolution to work a lot. Only work was going to bring the much needed
distraction. I had stressed enough about my flu-like conditions which have been
keeping me low for the last three days. Also, my grandpa had slipped last night
and lay on the floor until help arrived only four hours later in the wee hours
of Wednesday morning so he could be lifted and put back in bed. It wrenched my
heart to empathize with his helplessness. An 87 year old man lying on cold
floor all night because his old wife and ageing son couldn’t muster enough strength
to pick him up. Grandad (I call him Baba Sahab) has an issue with one leg and
one hand.
Despite his disability which has been ever since I’ve known him, he’s
a jolly character. Always tiding by difficult times with such sense of normalcy
and strange humor, he’s almost an inspiration. I managed to do a video call
with him the other day. Took a screenshot of the two of us in the same frame,
somewhere in my heart fearing the unknown. I am slowly internalizing the fact
that there may soon come a time, we both may not chat again. Corona or
otherwise. My grandparents are in Jaipur & naturally highly susceptible.
We’ve never really faced a
situation when going home, or reaching out to loved ones was an impossibility.
That time is here now. It compels me to feel for those, who’ve seldom had these
privileges. Corona has brought many of us down to our knees. Including Prince
Charles. Haha. No offense!
Doesn’t help that I have also
started to PMS. (Yes, it’s a real thing that happens to most women). I get to
know I am hormonal either when I get unnecessarily angry or sad. Today I got
both. I cried because I was angry at someone’s casual harmless joke. What a
mess!
The best moment of the day
however has been the time I could take out to write this down. Writing is a
real therapy for some. Hoping I can continue this for the next few weeks.
Until tomorrow, stay home. Wash
Hands. Smile (try to?)
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