The festival of Ram Navmi in
India
20TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL
ISOLATION
2032 POSITIVE, 58 DEAD, 150
RECOVERED
General feeling: “Grief is a
strange emotion. It hides in places you can’t see and surfaces at the most
unlikely times. You don’t know where its lurking until it comes out and leaves
you vulnerable. Grief brings along with itself - disinterest, isolation and
confusion. Sometimes you don’t even know why you’re feeling what you are
feeling. However that’s how complex our minds are and of-course, our lives are”
It’s not easy to write every-day
about something as morbid as the Corona pandemic and the lock-down of the
country. At the same time, it is one of the few things that’s continuing to
give me strength in these difficult times. The response of some of my friends
to this blog has been of utmost encouragement. Some have questioned the
relevance of a blog. As per them, in this new-age Instagram world, I am losing
out on a large part of the audience by writing on blogger and not on Insta. I
am not sure what to make of this thought. Is it perhaps the right thing to do?
I am not so sure given the format
and content of my blog is far more serious and requires more than few fleeting
seconds of attention from people. Regardless, it is a personal endeavor. It’s
meant more for me than anyone else. So for now, I’ll let this debate go
un-attended.
The day started very early today.
At 7 am, I struggled to wake up. However, turns out that the call I was supposed
to attend, was after all, quite worth it. Nevertheless, it took away the most productive
part of the day and once it ended, I got busy in day to day household
activities and some usual work. The highlight of the day, was my
evening nap, though restful, turned out to be slightly un-nerving.
Let me tell you why. I dreamt of
being at my uncle’s place (which is in Bhandup) with the rest of the family
there as well. I was shocked to be there, since I had absolutely no
recollection of traveling to his place. I was in a night gown without a mask,
sitting at their dining table. My mama was quite astonished to see me and asked
me how I had managed to travel. I told him, that this was a dream and it couldn’t be
true. Then he held my hand to make me realize that it was indeed the reality
and not a dream.
I shook with fear as I wondered how it had happened. Was it teleportation? I was concerned about not having my laptop with me. I was concerned about how I’d work the next day. He told me there wasn’t anything to do about it and now that I was at his place, I should just stay put. Eventually as the day progressed (in the dream), I met my mother in his society play area.
My mother was her 25 year old self wearing a denim, a green sweater and a white-black scarf, looking absolutely stunning. She just stood around, all chill. She looked so young and beautiful! I was impressed and proud of her. I am not sure how I recognized her but I knew she was my mother. And mom knew, I was her daughter. I immediately hugged her. It seemed so real to be hugging my mother in the dream. I felt her warmth, her reassurance and her love, all at once. At that point, I was convinced it wasn’t a dream but reality. And tears started to roll down my cheeks with a definitive knot in my throat.
I shook with fear as I wondered how it had happened. Was it teleportation? I was concerned about not having my laptop with me. I was concerned about how I’d work the next day. He told me there wasn’t anything to do about it and now that I was at his place, I should just stay put. Eventually as the day progressed (in the dream), I met my mother in his society play area.
My mother was her 25 year old self wearing a denim, a green sweater and a white-black scarf, looking absolutely stunning. She just stood around, all chill. She looked so young and beautiful! I was impressed and proud of her. I am not sure how I recognized her but I knew she was my mother. And mom knew, I was her daughter. I immediately hugged her. It seemed so real to be hugging my mother in the dream. I felt her warmth, her reassurance and her love, all at once. At that point, I was convinced it wasn’t a dream but reality. And tears started to roll down my cheeks with a definitive knot in my throat.
As I hugged her tight, I woke up,
with tears rolling down my cheeks.
I took me about fifteen minutes
to grapple with the dream which had felt absolutely real. I took some time to
regain my composure.
My younger brother happened to
message me at that very moment. I narrated the incident to him. He said it could
be a lucid dream or a trip to a parallel universe.
If it was a lucid dream, it
brought out the deep underlying need of my psyche. If it was a parallel
universe, I am glad my mother looked stunning.
Sharing a picture of her younger
self. She was indeed impressive. But her warmth and love trumps all the visible
beauty in this world.
(This is 2005. I was 15 years old. My mother was 39.)
The festival of Ramnavmi, in our
part of the country is celebrated in reverence of Goddess Durga, who is supposed to be loving
but could also be ghastly. A lot of Hindus refer to her as “Ma”. It culminates 9
days of worshiping the goddess.
Though I am not very religious, I
am happy to romanticize this dream today as something out of the material
world.
Until tomorrow, keep safe.