6th April 2020 – 13th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

24TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

4693 POSITIVE, 129 DEAD (2.75%), 346 RECOVERED (7.37%)

General Feeling: “Reflecting about life is often a beautiful moment. Living that moment, however is surreal. I feel we’re living such a moment of 21 days, reflecting on many many things, which needed attention & time that we just didn’t have.” 

There is only so much one can open up about oneself. Or are there no boundaries?

As I went about the day, I wondered what is it that I wanted to write about in tonight’s blog. I had many ideas actually. I wanted to write about a recent conversation that I had with a bunch of friends in which we wondered why is it that it’s become difficult to find people interesting and intriguing. Why are we so bored easily? Why is it getting difficult to find such common grounds with people that you enjoy your conversations with them and can do that rather regularly?

Were we living in such narrow bubbles that we’re unable to find connections with people? Are we failing to see them as they are and are constantly templatizing and re-organizing them in our set boxes of experiential conditioning? Like, what’s happening?

We didn’t find many answers. And we were too tired to philosophize further. As I understand it, somehow as we grow older and our cohorts become narrower, the ability to find one-ness with another person in any sense, even basic human camaraderie starts getting affected. More and more, we look for people who’re like us. And when we meet them, we sometimes don’t like them. Yeah, that’s kind of weird.

Sometimes, ‘what we like’ and ‘what we want’ are different things. Most of the times, actually!

I also considered addressing the conversation around Corona’s communal nature, which has picked up steam in the country after the Markaz episode. I thought I’ll do a case study of world history to find references of when and how religion has taken more lives than pandemics or wars. How religious theories have burnt men and women, ostracized them, divided them. How religion, of any kind, is being more divisive at a time in which only community welfare and social cooperation can save us from extreme misfortune.

It was an ambitious project to undertake. It was going to need extremely thorough research with credible citations. It was a sensitive topic (read: hyper-ultra-mega-sonic-sensitive). So needed to be handled carefully. And these days, you never know, social media disagreement leads to crimes & all! 

Thank God for the lock-down, it’s unlikely I’ll be attacked with acid. I am not sure why I paint such a grim picture about social-media badgering in my mind. Is it the Deepika Padukone movie (Chhapaak) that I saw a month back? Or is that this topic is actually that explosive?

Anyway, the third and final option was to write a very personal account of suffering & abuse. Of mansplaining, of humiliation and of undue aggression. That would have been kind of crazy. Not just because, I’ve never spoken to many people about this or ever written about it. But, also because I was scared of stirring up the dust that had quietly settled in some place of my generally-worn out heart.

It would perhaps mean calling people out. And I do not want to do that. (Although one would argue that it’s the right thing to do). I am not sure why. It’s not that I am scared. Personally, I am just non-confrontational, I guess. Call it convenience, maybe?

I mean being in touch with oneself is a very difficult pursuit. And you never quite make it a 100%. You’re sometimes 75, sometimes 90, and sometimes not even 30! It keeps somewhat swinging but eventually improving. So I guess, no- matter how much we try, somethings, we’ll always find difficult to address.

This doesn’t mean lack of ‘maturity’. It probably means lack of ‘readiness’. The strength to address these things comes by itself and doesn’t come until you’re kind of ready for it.

Unlike love. Love comes in, when you’re least expecting it.

At least that’s what they say. (Always wondered who ‘they’ were and why they ‘said’ so much!)

So yes, it’s love. The only thing that transcends this animate & in-animate world. The thing that really matters and the thing which exists, in different forms, across time-space, planets and ecosystems. It’s just love that you feel when you’re in sync with the nature. Its love that is joyful and bountiful. Love makes you feel it’s worth living. Love brings meaning. In meaningless ways.

A set of people I love, - Ritu Kothari, Gaurav Nijhawan and their beautiful tiny Anaya. (Ritu & Gaurav are not just my college seniors and close friends. They have often been guardians and treated me like their baby.)
 I often called them Mom & Dad those days, 2010-2015 ish.

5th April 2020 - 12th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

23rd DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

3588 POSITIVE, 99 DEAD (2.76%), 229 RECOVERED (6.38%)

General feeling: “Today felt like a near normal day after a very long time. I did some yoga, got decent breakfast, and went down to buy home supplies, and then a nice shower and afternoon chilling. I didn’t think of any existential questions to answer or pent up conflicts to resolve. I just lived in-the-moment. I think, that can be categorized as happy.”

And that’s why another video blog on a Sunday evening!!

PS:- After all this happy video, pls know that I am still paranoid about the situation. 

Until tomorrow, here we are!

4th April 2020 - 11th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

22^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

3082 POSITIVE, 86 DEAD, 229 RECOVERED

General feeling: “The much awaited weekend is here. Saturdays are meant to laze and sleep, right? I did just that. Between feeling confused & hazy.”

I read a report on live-mint which said that if the COVID infection rate continues to grow in the same proportion, the entire country would be engulfed in it in less than 85 days. Now, that was fucking eye-opening. It felt like, it’s just going to happen to you – sooner or later. I mean it’ll take a great deal of good luck to avoid this infection which seems to be spreading faster than a forest fire. So now I have kind of left it to my immunity to decide whether I am going to live or die. (That doesn’t mean I’ll not be cautious or not follow prevention guidelines.)

Anyhow, this kind of mental preparation (for the dooms day) helps. It lets you be peaceful and face the eventuality instead of fearing and crumbling under its imminence. And then you end up thinking about some of the questions, you felt most conflicted about. For me, it’s been the choice of bearing children.

As a child, I wanted a child. Because I wanted to be like my mother as any other kid would want to be. But as I grew up, my notions of life-path, my identity and my choices started to grow and re-shape themselves again and again. Like the new roots, often grasp the trunk of the tree in circular tight embraces, new understanding of the world started to wrap around my conditioned ideas. And they began to re-shape my value system. I began to look at the world from a rather independent lens which was an outcome of my formal education, my family, friends, boy-friends and some life experiences. Both, happy ones and difficult ones.

I now consider myself almost fully shaped mentally to know the right from wrong and be more aware of my choices. Until recently, in the pre-COVID world, I was pretty convinced about not wanting to bear my own children. It was not due to a lack of maternal instinct or not wanting responsibility. It came in from much nobler places. One, I understand the pressure of human population on natural resources. And I am also aware of human suffering. There are millions of kids without families. Why not, adopt a child and raise him/her as your own? What’s this obsession with genetic progression? Can’t we rise above our crude instincts and use our minds – the most prized possession that has given such power to our species? And why does love have to be so selfish that you wouldn’t love just any child as your own? Shit, I really did expect better from this human race.

And my second reason is my innate and deep love for my unborn children, for who, I do not consider this world worthy. I am not okay giving birth to babies where basic human needs like clear air, water and safety are not possible. I do not want newborns to make these kind of compromises. I want to be able to afford them the best air, best food and decent space to develop into fulfilled and compassionate healthy human beings.

However, even after having such strong reasons, I suddenly just feel the wish to have someone like my own. It’s indeed so selfish a thought, it almost feels like indulgence. But I feel, life is so fragile no matter how big our economies become and how tall our buildings rise, that it must not only be protected, it must in-fact be continued. And to have a sense of continuity in my mind, to have a proliferation of self – through which you live an extended life-span, through which you could re-live your life. A very deep rooted instinct for human beings. Nevertheless, very selfish.

I had concluded yesterday, that we’re a selfish species. Yet another point that proves it.

Relevant picture today:- 2 generations of daughters!

Anyway, happy weekend!

3rd April 2020 -10th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

21^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

2567 POSITIVE, 72 DEAD, 192 RECOVERED

General feeling: “When denial and fear, gives way to acceptance, one feels braver. And that helps you to tell yourself that, I’ll let life be. What happens, happens. Life will go on. And then you just leave everything to time, while trying to do your best. You also understand your limits. And that brings in a great deal of inner peace”

It was extremely busy for a Friday. A lot of work, too many calls and quite a bit of house-work. Today, it was my turn to clean the kitchen and sweep the entire house. I wanted to evade it but once I was at it, I guess I did it diligently. All this has left me quite tired.

I showered after a long hectic day only to sit in my balcony, listening to some old age Hindi music. As the breeze calmed my body and mind, it struck me that some very simple things, which do not cost anything, bring some true happiness. Things as simple & ubiquitous as clean breeze, sun-light, birds – just the sight of nature can make a human feel better. This I feel is a beautiful insight. Into our minds. Into our hearts.

Why is it then, that we run behind pursuits that only wear us down and make us busier? This is a question we can ask ourselves. We may all have different answers. And those answers would lead us on different paths.

The answer we get depends on how deep within can we look. It’s important, however to look outside of ourselves as well. So that we do not become self-obsessed and self-centered. A lot of people are self-centered. Like me, for example.

I’ve been wondering, that in this COVID situation, who would be that one person I’d rather save. The answer was myself. I feel morally upset that I didn’t choose my mother or my father. Or just anyone else. This answer really surprised me. I hadn’t considered myself a very self-centered or selfish person earlier. And hence, once again, an insight into our minds as a species. Maybe, no?

So we’re basically selfish and we like simple natural things. Kind of doesn’t go together.

I am not sure what to make of it. Just too many stranded thoughts, woven into one blog post.

I am really tired today. 

Night sky as I see it from the balcony

Until tomorrow, rest well!

2nd April 2020 - 9th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

The festival of Ram Navmi in India

20^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

2032 POSITIVE, 58 DEAD, 150 RECOVERED

General feeling: “Grief is a strange emotion. It hides in places you can’t see and surfaces at the most unlikely times. You don’t know where its lurking until it comes out and leaves you vulnerable. Grief brings along with itself - disinterest, isolation and confusion. Sometimes you don’t even know why you’re feeling what you are feeling. However that’s how complex our minds are and of-course, our lives are”

It’s not easy to write every-day about something as morbid as the Corona pandemic and the lock-down of the country. At the same time, it is one of the few things that’s continuing to give me strength in these difficult times. The response of some of my friends to this blog has been of utmost encouragement. Some have questioned the relevance of a blog. As per them, in this new-age Instagram world, I am losing out on a large part of the audience by writing on  blogger and not on Insta. I am not sure what to make of this thought. Is it perhaps the right thing to do?

I am not so sure given the format and content of my blog is far more serious and requires more than few fleeting seconds of attention from people. Regardless, it is a personal endeavor. It’s meant more for me than anyone else. So for now, I’ll let this debate go un-attended.

The day started very early today. At 7 am, I struggled to wake up. However, turns out that the call I was supposed to attend, was after all, quite worth it. Nevertheless, it took away the most productive part of the day and once it ended, I got busy in day to day household activities and some usual work. The highlight of the day, was my evening nap, though restful, turned out to be slightly un-nerving.

Let me tell you why. I dreamt of being at my uncle’s place (which is in Bhandup) with the rest of the family there as well. I was shocked to be there, since I had absolutely no recollection of traveling to his place. I was in a night gown without a mask, sitting at their dining table. My mama was quite astonished to see me and asked me how I had managed to travel. I told him, that this was a dream and it couldn’t be true. Then he held my hand to make me realize that it was indeed the reality and not a dream.

I shook with fear as I wondered how it had happened. Was it teleportation? I was concerned about not having my laptop with me. I was concerned about how I’d work the next day. He told me there wasn’t anything to do about it and now that I was at his place, I should just stay put. Eventually as the day progressed (in the dream), I met my mother in his society play area.

My mother was her 25 year old self wearing a denim, a green sweater and a white-black scarf, looking absolutely stunning. She just stood around, all chill. She looked so young and beautiful! I was impressed and proud of her. I am not sure how I recognized her but I knew she was my mother. And mom knew, I was her daughter. I immediately hugged her. It seemed so real to be hugging my mother in the dream. I felt her warmth, her reassurance and her love, all at once. At that point, I was convinced it wasn’t a dream but reality. And tears started to roll down my cheeks with a definitive knot in my throat.

As I hugged her tight, I woke up, with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I took me about fifteen minutes to grapple with the dream which had felt absolutely real. I took some time to regain my composure.

My younger brother happened to message me at that very moment. I narrated the incident to him. He said it could be a lucid dream or a trip to a parallel universe.

If it was a lucid dream, it brought out the deep underlying need of my psyche. If it was a parallel universe, I am glad my mother looked stunning.

Sharing a picture of her younger self. She was indeed impressive. But her warmth and love trumps all the visible beauty in this world.

(This is 2005. I was 15 years old. My mother was 39.)

The festival of Ramnavmi, in our part of the country is celebrated in reverence of Goddess Durga, who is supposed to be loving but could also be ghastly. A lot of Hindus refer to her as “Ma”. It culminates 9 days of worshiping the goddess.

Though I am not very religious, I am happy to romanticize this dream today as something out of the material world.

Until tomorrow, keep safe. 

1st APRIL 2020 8th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

19^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

2010 POSITIVE, 55 DEAD, 169 RECOVERED

General feeling: “It was a pretty volatile day. From being aloof to being extremely low to finally recovering towards the evening. It already feels like the lock-down is making some of us complacent. We’re beginning to shift focus from a larger problem to our personal first-world issues like boredom, loneliness and anxiety. For many more others, food and shelter is still a task at hand.”

Spoke to one of my oldest and closest friends today after a long time. The thing with the two of us is that we hardly speak about ourselves. We only speak about what’s happening around. I guess that’s normal when two empaths talk. He’s in Delhi and was apprising me of how the ground-situation of migrant laborers is. This guy has been trying to do his bit. Trying to find genuine ways to help. With food, with money or just by lending an ear.

I quote him here: “Everywhere you turn, there’s a glaring tragedy to hear. Some people haven’t eaten for 3 days. They have no money. Some have been beaten by the police. Some have been looted by the police. Some kids have been starving and crying. The society has completely dis-owned them. The government, even perhaps with good intentions has been unable to deal with the scale of the problem. The civil society, the- you and me, are busy taking Instagram challenges. Thousands, not just from Delhi, but across the country are now walking thousands of miles, devoid of information, communication, protection, food, shelter and empathy”

That’s the state of this lock down. While I agree that the lock down was unplanned and not operationalized well (just like most policies of our central government), I wonder if planning for it was even possible. Locking down an entire country is not an easy decision to take for any state’s premier. And I am certain that minute to minute consultations with experts led to a decision as sudden as this.

The poor and the voiceless, however, should not become the collateral to give away in this scenario. We know what the governments must do. We should however also think, what we must do. It’s not possible for most of us to help them physically.  But what we can do is below:-

1. Give them voice – Speak out on issues. Report ground realities. Empathize with people. Keep them in your prayers. Most importantly, inform those who are not aware. And please, do not bring in communal biases.

2. Help local groups who are trying to provide essentials to this stranded lot. Help them with money, water, food, soap, masks, basic medicines, anything. Over this week, I’ll be collating a list of several such groups and posting it in this blog.

3. Avoid wasteful usage of anything. Food, water, electricity. These resources are limited and we’re lucky to have them handy.

4. Do not hoard. While I understand, it makes for safer next few weeks, it’s really more peace of mind and the option of gulping down as much as we’d like. Security of food is a basic human right which is not available to many. So let’s respect rationing, for now at the least.

5. Donate blood. Blood banks are being organized in a very careful manner by local authorities, ensuring 6 ft spacing, time-slots with appointments etc. There is no substitute for human blood and there are treatments which can’t be stalled. Cardiac surgeries, deliveries and cancer treatments, all require blood.

How do you do it?

It is not necessary that each one of us gets down to the streets. In-fact, it is not recommended either given that lock-down is meant so we socially isolate.  There are big organizations and funds like ISCON and PM Relief Fund etc. but the transparency and tractability of these is always surrounded with skepticism. Therefore below are a few groups who you can reach out to (I will continue to update this list).

1.    Insta Handle : Anaa Peshimam

Donate INR 1000/- for a food kit for a family of four

https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/helping-families-of-daily-wage-earners-affected-by-job-loss-due-to-covid-19?utm_source=internal&utm_medium=whatsappShare&utm_campaign=helping-families-of-daily-wage-earners-affected-by-job-loss-due-to-covid 19&utm_content=370665445e89646487b5c2139f8fd26e&shby=1undefined

    2. Insta Handle : srloveandcar
       Donate any amount starting from a meager INR 50/-

https://l.instagram.com/?u=http%3A%2F%2Floveandcare.srmd.org%2Fcoronavirus-relief&e=ATNcmvW59PfnGnD0Ib1mqyoVxxAiYuD6xpKVaNTtegIAZvBNJ-OiiO_T3-xtbanoC-75ONHK0zCR2Tap&s=1

http://www.srloveandcare.org/coronavirus-relief

      3. Roti Ghar

Donate to feed across Mumbai Metropolitan Area

Make donations to 9769181218 via Paytm or Google Pay.

Link:- https://www.facebook.com/rotigharofficial/

    4. Insta Handle: officialyuva

Donate INR 600/week for a bag that includes wheat, rice, oil & soap.

https://l.instagram.com/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbit.ly%2FSpreadLoveNotCorona&e=ATNWZQC97yuCTpT4_OrdF_OnsarYZBPvAsvkdj0UZSAMLoXJ7iRxR4_Zeyr0av4cpXnC4wkp4K9yVBAh&s=1

     5.  The Rasoi on Wheels Foundation

    Insta Handle: - rasoionwheels

   Can paytm/bank-transfer

6. For #Aurangabad:-

During current lockdown most affected are the people who earn their livelihood daily. Waste paper & plastic pickers, house maids, labourers on daily wage etc are few of them. Government help has not reached to these people so far. Therefore we are trying to reach support to at least about 500 such families in first phase. It costs aruond Rs 1500 / - for one family for 15 days ration. Thus for 500 families Rs.  7,50,000 /- will be required.
We, the following signatories, appeal to you to contribute as much as you can for this cause.

Regards,

            Principal Pratap Borade, Adv Prakash Paranjpe, Subhash Lomte, Dnyaanaprakash Modani, Adv Manohar Tankalsal, Prof. Vijay Diwan, Pradeep Khelurkar, Dr. Rashmi Borikar, Mangal Khinwasra, Dr. Iqbal Minne, Dr. Surfaraj Sheikh, Prof. Sriram Jadhav, Dr Nirmala Asolekar.

Pl transfer your contributions to following account.

A / C Name: Aurangabad Zilla Sarvoday Mandal,
Bank : *Saraswst Co-Op Bank ltd, Garkheda,  Bank A / C No: 098200100002870.
IFSCode: SRCB0000098.

7. Seeds India
Link:- http://www.seedsindia.org/covid19/

Donate 500/- for a week's ration of a family of 5
Donate 1500/- one family's hygiene kit for a month
Donate 5000/- Support daily wage earners who have lost their jobs and shelters to stay

You can bank transfer/paytm here:- https://www.seedsindia.org/donation/?donation_for=covid19

PS:- Giving money is the easiest way to help. Please do not consider yourself absolved and done if you’ve made a bank transfer. Physical help, getting supplies, managing to get essential items and delivering them to the last mile takes selflessness, courage and a great deal of emotion. Money is an important but just one part.

I'll be soon be sharing details of where blood can be donated. 

Until then, peace to everyone

31st March 2020 – 7th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

18^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

1585 POSITIVE, 47 DEAD, 148 RECOVERED

General Feeling:- “Of settling in. Slowly internalizing that this is how life is going to be for the next couple of weeks. So how does one make the most of it?”

I've tried to put up a video today. Experimenting with different formats, lest the boredom sets in.

Ideally, a social media platform would be apt for something like this but there's already too much noise there and shouting out loud is really not my style.

So here goes:-

Links to various claims in the video:-

AAP

https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/coronavirus-outbreak-delhi-govt-converts-schools-into-night-shelters-for-migrants-fleeing-state-1660701-2020-03-28

https://realty.economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/residential/government-to-pay-rent-if-tenants-fail-to-do-so-delhi-cm/74881255

NYC
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/31/coronavirus-latest-updates.html

https://www.livemint.com/news/world/us-coronavirus-cases-surge-past-115-000-donald-trump-mulls-new-york-quarantine-11585416881947.html

Brazil:-
https://www.livemint.com/news/world/brazil-s-bolsonaro-urges-no-more-coronavirus-quarantine-says-jobs-being-lost-11585613027222.html

https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/gangs-enforce-coronavirus-curfews-in-brazil/

Court Case against China

https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/india-news-bihar-complaint-against-chinese-prez-ambassador-to-india-for-spreading-coronavirus/348888

https://www.theweek.in/news/world/2020/03/24/20-trillion-lawsuit-in-us-against-china-for-using-covid-19-as-biological-weapon.html