Life’s been pretty exciting of late. I am moving houses! It’s almost become an annual ritual. Moving houses thrice in 2 years is not a mean deal in general and not at all so in Mumbai. Yet, the journey to find myself a house took me from Chembur to Bandra to Parel to Colaba. I’ve finally found something I kind of like in Worli. The quest has been inconvenient especially because this is the holiday season we’ve all looked forward to. Anyway now that the hunt is almost over, it’s the emotionally difficult time to pack my bags and say goodbye.
I’ve been particularly bad at saying goodbyes. Letting go is a life-lesson which is majorly work in slow-progress. Every time I leave a place, people or situation, I feel some part of my life is coming to a still or worse, an end. Stepping out of comfort zone has gotten difficult and I can feel my inertia weighing me down more than it has before. I blame it on experience and caution it brings.
But then again,
even as a child I cried every time I returned from my Nani’s place. And wept
when friends and relatives left. It pained me to move schools. It pained me to
let go of teachers I loved. And it was a kick-in-my-gut when I left home. And
each time since, whether it’s returning from a week long break or a 2 month
annual vacation, leaving home’s been the most difficult emotional task I’ve
undertaken.
Although there’s a side of me
that’s glad about it. I think it’s allowed me to spread my wings in lengths I’d
choose and the confidence to steer towards unknown directions. And to let me fall in love
with the most unsuspecting situations (and people, khee hee).
The other day, a friend and I
agreed on how sexual tension in a given situation keeps things going. How it
just makes any equation more exciting. How it can be the sole reason for people
to do things they’d otherwise not do. This tension, which sometimes goes
through a metamorphosis and becomes love (no clue what that means but to each,
their own interpretation) is probably the strongest force for human beings to
commit an act which is outside of their general behavior.
It manifests itself strongly not
just when one is falling in love. But also, when one is heartbroken. One of the
things I randomly believe in is that pain and heartbreak changes you far more
intensely than the pleasant phases of early sexual tension and falling for
another. It just pushes you to question everything about yourself. It’s golden
time for correction, re-organizing your life and moving towards becoming the
person you chose to be.
Not everyone feels so strongly
about all of this though. Mostly even I don’t. After all, it’s just one of
those things we don’t want to acknowledge. It’s super convenient to stay
emotionally unavailable to yourself. It’s possible to live a life without
giving these conversations a chance. Conversations that we have with ourselves.
Just like the one I am having now
with this blog post.
It’s 27th December. 4
days to go before a new year arrives. Not hoping for hash brownies to drop from
the sky but still giving myself a break with a dash of optimism for 2021.
Let’s see. Let’s see.
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| After a full day of 'Mehnat' to find 'Chatt' |
Very well laid out!
ReplyDeleteThanks :)
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