3rd April 2020 -10th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

21^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

2567 POSITIVE, 72 DEAD, 192 RECOVERED

General feeling: “When denial and fear, gives way to acceptance, one feels braver. And that helps you to tell yourself that, I’ll let life be. What happens, happens. Life will go on. And then you just leave everything to time, while trying to do your best. You also understand your limits. And that brings in a great deal of inner peace”

It was extremely busy for a Friday. A lot of work, too many calls and quite a bit of house-work. Today, it was my turn to clean the kitchen and sweep the entire house. I wanted to evade it but once I was at it, I guess I did it diligently. All this has left me quite tired.

I showered after a long hectic day only to sit in my balcony, listening to some old age Hindi music. As the breeze calmed my body and mind, it struck me that some very simple things, which do not cost anything, bring some true happiness. Things as simple & ubiquitous as clean breeze, sun-light, birds – just the sight of nature can make a human feel better. This I feel is a beautiful insight. Into our minds. Into our hearts.

Why is it then, that we run behind pursuits that only wear us down and make us busier? This is a question we can ask ourselves. We may all have different answers. And those answers would lead us on different paths.

The answer we get depends on how deep within can we look. It’s important, however to look outside of ourselves as well. So that we do not become self-obsessed and self-centered. A lot of people are self-centered. Like me, for example.

I’ve been wondering, that in this COVID situation, who would be that one person I’d rather save. The answer was myself. I feel morally upset that I didn’t choose my mother or my father. Or just anyone else. This answer really surprised me. I hadn’t considered myself a very self-centered or selfish person earlier. And hence, once again, an insight into our minds as a species. Maybe, no?

So we’re basically selfish and we like simple natural things. Kind of doesn’t go together.

I am not sure what to make of it. Just too many stranded thoughts, woven into one blog post.

I am really tired today. 

Night sky as I see it from the balcony

Until tomorrow, rest well!

2nd April 2020 - 9th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

The festival of Ram Navmi in India

20^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

2032 POSITIVE, 58 DEAD, 150 RECOVERED

General feeling: “Grief is a strange emotion. It hides in places you can’t see and surfaces at the most unlikely times. You don’t know where its lurking until it comes out and leaves you vulnerable. Grief brings along with itself - disinterest, isolation and confusion. Sometimes you don’t even know why you’re feeling what you are feeling. However that’s how complex our minds are and of-course, our lives are”

It’s not easy to write every-day about something as morbid as the Corona pandemic and the lock-down of the country. At the same time, it is one of the few things that’s continuing to give me strength in these difficult times. The response of some of my friends to this blog has been of utmost encouragement. Some have questioned the relevance of a blog. As per them, in this new-age Instagram world, I am losing out on a large part of the audience by writing on  blogger and not on Insta. I am not sure what to make of this thought. Is it perhaps the right thing to do?

I am not so sure given the format and content of my blog is far more serious and requires more than few fleeting seconds of attention from people. Regardless, it is a personal endeavor. It’s meant more for me than anyone else. So for now, I’ll let this debate go un-attended.

The day started very early today. At 7 am, I struggled to wake up. However, turns out that the call I was supposed to attend, was after all, quite worth it. Nevertheless, it took away the most productive part of the day and once it ended, I got busy in day to day household activities and some usual work. The highlight of the day, was my evening nap, though restful, turned out to be slightly un-nerving.

Let me tell you why. I dreamt of being at my uncle’s place (which is in Bhandup) with the rest of the family there as well. I was shocked to be there, since I had absolutely no recollection of traveling to his place. I was in a night gown without a mask, sitting at their dining table. My mama was quite astonished to see me and asked me how I had managed to travel. I told him, that this was a dream and it couldn’t be true. Then he held my hand to make me realize that it was indeed the reality and not a dream.

I shook with fear as I wondered how it had happened. Was it teleportation? I was concerned about not having my laptop with me. I was concerned about how I’d work the next day. He told me there wasn’t anything to do about it and now that I was at his place, I should just stay put. Eventually as the day progressed (in the dream), I met my mother in his society play area.

My mother was her 25 year old self wearing a denim, a green sweater and a white-black scarf, looking absolutely stunning. She just stood around, all chill. She looked so young and beautiful! I was impressed and proud of her. I am not sure how I recognized her but I knew she was my mother. And mom knew, I was her daughter. I immediately hugged her. It seemed so real to be hugging my mother in the dream. I felt her warmth, her reassurance and her love, all at once. At that point, I was convinced it wasn’t a dream but reality. And tears started to roll down my cheeks with a definitive knot in my throat.

As I hugged her tight, I woke up, with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I took me about fifteen minutes to grapple with the dream which had felt absolutely real. I took some time to regain my composure.

My younger brother happened to message me at that very moment. I narrated the incident to him. He said it could be a lucid dream or a trip to a parallel universe.

If it was a lucid dream, it brought out the deep underlying need of my psyche. If it was a parallel universe, I am glad my mother looked stunning.

Sharing a picture of her younger self. She was indeed impressive. But her warmth and love trumps all the visible beauty in this world.

(This is 2005. I was 15 years old. My mother was 39.)

The festival of Ramnavmi, in our part of the country is celebrated in reverence of Goddess Durga, who is supposed to be loving but could also be ghastly. A lot of Hindus refer to her as “Ma”. It culminates 9 days of worshiping the goddess.

Though I am not very religious, I am happy to romanticize this dream today as something out of the material world.

Until tomorrow, keep safe. 

1st APRIL 2020 8th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

19^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

2010 POSITIVE, 55 DEAD, 169 RECOVERED

General feeling: “It was a pretty volatile day. From being aloof to being extremely low to finally recovering towards the evening. It already feels like the lock-down is making some of us complacent. We’re beginning to shift focus from a larger problem to our personal first-world issues like boredom, loneliness and anxiety. For many more others, food and shelter is still a task at hand.”

Spoke to one of my oldest and closest friends today after a long time. The thing with the two of us is that we hardly speak about ourselves. We only speak about what’s happening around. I guess that’s normal when two empaths talk. He’s in Delhi and was apprising me of how the ground-situation of migrant laborers is. This guy has been trying to do his bit. Trying to find genuine ways to help. With food, with money or just by lending an ear.

I quote him here: “Everywhere you turn, there’s a glaring tragedy to hear. Some people haven’t eaten for 3 days. They have no money. Some have been beaten by the police. Some have been looted by the police. Some kids have been starving and crying. The society has completely dis-owned them. The government, even perhaps with good intentions has been unable to deal with the scale of the problem. The civil society, the- you and me, are busy taking Instagram challenges. Thousands, not just from Delhi, but across the country are now walking thousands of miles, devoid of information, communication, protection, food, shelter and empathy”

That’s the state of this lock down. While I agree that the lock down was unplanned and not operationalized well (just like most policies of our central government), I wonder if planning for it was even possible. Locking down an entire country is not an easy decision to take for any state’s premier. And I am certain that minute to minute consultations with experts led to a decision as sudden as this.

The poor and the voiceless, however, should not become the collateral to give away in this scenario. We know what the governments must do. We should however also think, what we must do. It’s not possible for most of us to help them physically.  But what we can do is below:-

1. Give them voice – Speak out on issues. Report ground realities. Empathize with people. Keep them in your prayers. Most importantly, inform those who are not aware. And please, do not bring in communal biases.

2. Help local groups who are trying to provide essentials to this stranded lot. Help them with money, water, food, soap, masks, basic medicines, anything. Over this week, I’ll be collating a list of several such groups and posting it in this blog.

3. Avoid wasteful usage of anything. Food, water, electricity. These resources are limited and we’re lucky to have them handy.

4. Do not hoard. While I understand, it makes for safer next few weeks, it’s really more peace of mind and the option of gulping down as much as we’d like. Security of food is a basic human right which is not available to many. So let’s respect rationing, for now at the least.

5. Donate blood. Blood banks are being organized in a very careful manner by local authorities, ensuring 6 ft spacing, time-slots with appointments etc. There is no substitute for human blood and there are treatments which can’t be stalled. Cardiac surgeries, deliveries and cancer treatments, all require blood.

How do you do it?

It is not necessary that each one of us gets down to the streets. In-fact, it is not recommended either given that lock-down is meant so we socially isolate.  There are big organizations and funds like ISCON and PM Relief Fund etc. but the transparency and tractability of these is always surrounded with skepticism. Therefore below are a few groups who you can reach out to (I will continue to update this list).

1.    Insta Handle : Anaa Peshimam

Donate INR 1000/- for a food kit for a family of four

https://www.ketto.org/fundraiser/helping-families-of-daily-wage-earners-affected-by-job-loss-due-to-covid-19?utm_source=internal&utm_medium=whatsappShare&utm_campaign=helping-families-of-daily-wage-earners-affected-by-job-loss-due-to-covid 19&utm_content=370665445e89646487b5c2139f8fd26e&shby=1undefined

    2. Insta Handle : srloveandcar
       Donate any amount starting from a meager INR 50/-

https://l.instagram.com/?u=http%3A%2F%2Floveandcare.srmd.org%2Fcoronavirus-relief&e=ATNcmvW59PfnGnD0Ib1mqyoVxxAiYuD6xpKVaNTtegIAZvBNJ-OiiO_T3-xtbanoC-75ONHK0zCR2Tap&s=1

http://www.srloveandcare.org/coronavirus-relief

      3. Roti Ghar

Donate to feed across Mumbai Metropolitan Area

Make donations to 9769181218 via Paytm or Google Pay.

Link:- https://www.facebook.com/rotigharofficial/

    4. Insta Handle: officialyuva

Donate INR 600/week for a bag that includes wheat, rice, oil & soap.

https://l.instagram.com/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbit.ly%2FSpreadLoveNotCorona&e=ATNWZQC97yuCTpT4_OrdF_OnsarYZBPvAsvkdj0UZSAMLoXJ7iRxR4_Zeyr0av4cpXnC4wkp4K9yVBAh&s=1

     5.  The Rasoi on Wheels Foundation

    Insta Handle: - rasoionwheels

   Can paytm/bank-transfer

6. For #Aurangabad:-

During current lockdown most affected are the people who earn their livelihood daily. Waste paper & plastic pickers, house maids, labourers on daily wage etc are few of them. Government help has not reached to these people so far. Therefore we are trying to reach support to at least about 500 such families in first phase. It costs aruond Rs 1500 / - for one family for 15 days ration. Thus for 500 families Rs.  7,50,000 /- will be required.
We, the following signatories, appeal to you to contribute as much as you can for this cause.

Regards,

            Principal Pratap Borade, Adv Prakash Paranjpe, Subhash Lomte, Dnyaanaprakash Modani, Adv Manohar Tankalsal, Prof. Vijay Diwan, Pradeep Khelurkar, Dr. Rashmi Borikar, Mangal Khinwasra, Dr. Iqbal Minne, Dr. Surfaraj Sheikh, Prof. Sriram Jadhav, Dr Nirmala Asolekar.

Pl transfer your contributions to following account.

A / C Name: Aurangabad Zilla Sarvoday Mandal,
Bank : *Saraswst Co-Op Bank ltd, Garkheda,  Bank A / C No: 098200100002870.
IFSCode: SRCB0000098.

7. Seeds India
Link:- http://www.seedsindia.org/covid19/

Donate 500/- for a week's ration of a family of 5
Donate 1500/- one family's hygiene kit for a month
Donate 5000/- Support daily wage earners who have lost their jobs and shelters to stay

You can bank transfer/paytm here:- https://www.seedsindia.org/donation/?donation_for=covid19

PS:- Giving money is the easiest way to help. Please do not consider yourself absolved and done if you’ve made a bank transfer. Physical help, getting supplies, managing to get essential items and delivering them to the last mile takes selflessness, courage and a great deal of emotion. Money is an important but just one part.

I'll be soon be sharing details of where blood can be donated. 

Until then, peace to everyone

31st March 2020 – 7th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

18^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

1585 POSITIVE, 47 DEAD, 148 RECOVERED

General Feeling:- “Of settling in. Slowly internalizing that this is how life is going to be for the next couple of weeks. So how does one make the most of it?”

I've tried to put up a video today. Experimenting with different formats, lest the boredom sets in.

Ideally, a social media platform would be apt for something like this but there's already too much noise there and shouting out loud is really not my style.

So here goes:-

Links to various claims in the video:-

AAP

https://www.indiatoday.in/india/story/coronavirus-outbreak-delhi-govt-converts-schools-into-night-shelters-for-migrants-fleeing-state-1660701-2020-03-28

https://realty.economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/residential/government-to-pay-rent-if-tenants-fail-to-do-so-delhi-cm/74881255

NYC
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/31/coronavirus-latest-updates.html

https://www.livemint.com/news/world/us-coronavirus-cases-surge-past-115-000-donald-trump-mulls-new-york-quarantine-11585416881947.html

Brazil:-
https://www.livemint.com/news/world/brazil-s-bolsonaro-urges-no-more-coronavirus-quarantine-says-jobs-being-lost-11585613027222.html

https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/gangs-enforce-coronavirus-curfews-in-brazil/

Court Case against China

https://www.outlookindia.com/website/story/india-news-bihar-complaint-against-chinese-prez-ambassador-to-india-for-spreading-coronavirus/348888

https://www.theweek.in/news/world/2020/03/24/20-trillion-lawsuit-in-us-against-china-for-using-covid-19-as-biological-weapon.html

30th March 2020 - 6th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK- DOWN OF INDIA

17^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

1071 POSITIVE, 29 DEAD, 100 CURED

General feeling: “The new normal that people are speaking about is now seeming like something that could really be. Still convincing myself to prepare for this. An online personality is all what we will be living with for some-time to come. Is that personality your Insta account or your Facebook profile? Who are you, digitally? But more importantly, who are you?"

Today, I am penning down a poem. I have a feeling, some of you may have gotten fatigued with the long paragraphs that I usually post. So let’s try, spinning another art form of expression.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am sorry, I have joked about it

I am sorry, I have demanded work from home as human rights

I am sorry I failed to see beyond the sensation

Of news updates, of geo-political bytes

As thousands in the world die a painful death,

Unable to say goodbye,

Thank your luck in every breath

You may not be the one to die

As we accept the times that are,

And move ahead of denial

It’s unforgiving to be stoic

As the world goes through this trial

The new world order, they say

Is here to come and stay,

Unsure of what we are to become

For how many wounds, we are to pay

Uncertainty is testing our hearts

As loneliness, we continue to brave

It’s asking us of strength and valor

To finally let go,

Of the “normalcy”, we crave

Normal is nothing but an art of our own,

Your normal is perhaps my unknown

And yet for once, we together moan

Of the collective havoc, that we have wreaked

On nature, on earth, our crimes have peaked

And the alarm bell, today, as it rings

Deafens us with its deadly dings

Reminding us of what we’ve become

All the greed that we have heaped

As we face into the future through our virtual screens

Together learning the social scenes

Of Insta-handles and Facebook profiles

Losing ourselves to our ‘internet memes’

Divided we stand, together we fall

Who’d have taught could be a literal call?

But here we are, facing the heat

Mindlessly fighting to evade defeat

Maybe we will, I hope we shall

Be able to break an insecure wall

Of mistrust, of greed, of mindless disposition

Of struggle for power & No.1 position

Of crony capitalism,

Of cruel communism,

And their staunch & unforgiving brutes

Of dreadful experiments

Of deafening lies

And convenient alternate truths

Let hope tell us we’ll be human

In flesh & blood, in mind & heart

With emotion and empathy

As our guiding start.

29th March 2020 - 5th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

16^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

1000 POSITIVE, 27 DEAD, 86 RECOVERED

General feeling: “Life is a series of staircases that we have learnt, needs to be climbed only upwards. Some days however, compel us to climb down and stall our obsession with progression, upward or forward. We often get caught up in our linear understanding of time. Especially when in a house arrest. Especially when in a global catastrophe. Especially, when away from family”

Received a call from an old friend last night from North Carolina. She was junior at my bachelor college and we were very thick friends. She’s been trying to get me to talk about my break-up. I think she’s known me so close, she was genuinely concerned about how I am holding up & hence she was quite adamant that I spoke up about it.  But more importantly, she wanted to know my reasons, which she believed she already knew. She just needed to validate them. And that’s exactly what happened. We spoke for long and realized that some friendships, especially the ones we built in our early years are timeless. They exist strong and sensitive despite all boundaries. And when you speak to someone close from your past, you kind of feel in touch with yourself a lot more. I felt like myself again. I am glad, Shruti called. Despite the fact that she’s always given me the respect of a senior, she’s made sure to behave like mom whenever she felt the need to. So yesterday too, she left with me some well-timed advice that only someone who loves you and respects you can deliver.

Today, however didn’t turn out as nice as yesterday. Didn’t help that it was the first day of my chums. A heavy head, almost a migraine hovered over me all day. I felt pretty disinterested in most things, including Corona. Can you believe it? I didn’t consume too much news or entertainment today. Didn’t even talk to too many people through the day. Just wanted some sense of quiet and peace. Given the environment, I’ve relegated myself to my room and balcony for almost all of the time I spend at home. Today, my uncle advised me not to hang out in the balcony, lest anyone would spit something from the floors above. Such strange problems, we Indians have to go through. Just because we’re not taught manners and concerns for others. It is immaterial whether one is rich or poor. Educated or not, good manners don’t need institutions or privileges. Good manners only need a good culture.

So let’s for once stop touting about our culture as superior. Cleanliness, public behavior, waste-disposal is not ingrained in our current culture. And even those with big homes and cars who can very well afford dustbins, prefer to spit & throw things out in the open. I am not sure why I am upset about it today. It’s not like I was expecting anything better. But anything that stops me from hanging out in my balcony is bound to upset me. This balcony is my only screen to a real, open world.

The day went by again in cooking and cleaning. Although today I cooked lesser and simpler food. Thank goodness for that. It’s really begun to tire me out. The staying-back-at-home seems to have started taking a toll. It’s leaving me tired and a little angry. I always have something to do and no time to while away. Whatever time I do have ends up in social obligations of calling. Apart from these obligations however, there are some calls I’ve voluntarily started to make. These are to those family members, who I love, but didn’t manage to make enough time for. The mamas, mausis, chachis of the world. And my dearest nana-nani.

Today I spoke to them over a call for good 40 minutes. They were all cramped in the drawing room of Nani’s home in Bharatpur, Rajasthan. It’s a ritual there to have dinner in the hall with the TV and all members of the house hang out there until Nana banishes everyone to go to bed. My maternal grandparents, uncle and his wife and their two adorable kids spoke to me, all at once. The kids were upset that I hadn’t visited them in years, flouting multiple promises made to them. Others were happy to see me. My business-man mama and I explored some ‘Baniya’ genes to discuss several business ideas. Good chat. Lifted my spirits up.

Order of below screenshots:- Nana, Choti Mami, Jai Mama Ji, Nani (the best nani ever!)

I also spoke to my other mama who’s based out of Jaipur. Now that he’s home and work seems to have completely stalled, I suggested to his wife to handover the kitchen to Mama. She obviously rolled her eyes and told me he wasn’t good for it at all. We both settled on ‘Chai’ being the only household duty that he could fulfill.

Despite these calls and conversations, the hidden truth is that I feel very lonely. I am beginning to feel worried for myself. I am not sure how long I can go on like this. My best estimate for this lock-down to be over is mid-may. That means 45 more days to go. I have a feeling I’ll exit this phase, as a different person altogether.

I am just secretly hoping, I don’t get too depressed, or too lonely. I hope I am able to find this virtual window to the world enough to keep me going. I am very well aware of my privileges and I know for a fact that I am in a far better situation than many others in this world, but just being honest.

I think I am tough. I think I am resilient. But perhaps, the real strength lies in not looking inwards too much. As of now there are too many apprehensions. I am just finding solace in what nana said today – “30-40 saalon mein aisi samasyaaein aati rehti hain”

So basically, the world has seen such times and worse before. And they’ve all come out of it. So shall we. Keeping fingers crossed. Saying silent prayers.

Until tomorrow, much love.

28th March 2020 - 4th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

15^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

970 POSITIVE, 23 DEAD, 80 RECOVERED

General feeling: “Today’s vibe was rather decent yet strange. It’s comes in when you’ve realized that worrying won’t get you anywhere. So you do the best you can and leave it up to time. Some would say, leave it up to God. I would say, ‘life’ J”

Below is an intrusive picture of a slum right next to my society. As you can see, the common play area is some-what deserted. People are probably trying their best.

Woke up in the morning rather early for a Saturday. Was annoyed at myself for not wanting to sleep more. Where are those days when 11 am on a Saturday was the norm?  I was glad that there were no work calls to attend. Feeling of a holiday, yay! Soon my spirits tendered when I realized we only had 2 days enough of drinking water left and Bisleri dealer had refused to deliver cans. Ugh. Wished there was an RO around. Anyway, my desi-self kicked in and I remembered the old good days when boiled tap water was good enough to drink! I was happy that there was an easy solution for at least this one problem.

The day went by thinking about the Great John Milton and the promise of his ‘Paradise Lost’ that I had to begin reading. An old friend & I have jointly taken up the project of studying some classic literature while at the lock-down. But my beautiful day dreams were constantly being disturbed with mundane obligations of cleaning, cooking and then cleaning once again. Somehow the day went by without achieving much but going about the chores and ruminating about the world situation somewhere at the corner of my mind.

Ended up speaking to a friend for more than an hour – the call was interesting because he made me realize that the only thing he’s really spoken to me about, has been Corona. It struck me that I’ve been so captivated with the situation that there’s hardly anything else I feel interested to talk about. Corona has got me after all, I guess. (Dark humor, here! I don’t mean it in any sense, literal or otherwise).

I immediately decided to take the feedback and challenged him to come up with something more interesting than Covid. He just laughed and by the time he could finish laughing, I had thought of five random awkward but fun things to tell him. Went on and on about strange topics like my extreme fear of crows and how I spent a night psychoanalyzing a lizard so that I could manage to lock it in the washroom to my sense of righteousness even as a young child. Until I chanced upon the matter of the elderly in the family. I’ve been fortunate enough to have met and interacted with some of my great grandparents and how this fact makes my life more complete. It feels like I’ve traversed a very long journey in which four generations have existed in some compelling frames of space & time. These frames are special. For our memories make us who we are. Is it not?

Memories are extremely complex. Their strength depends on how much we remember them. And how much we remember them depends on how strong they were. It’s really co-dependent, chicken & egg kind of a scenario. And when I come to think of it, it’s true for so many other complex concepts & relationships.

Love, for example, is extremely complex. Its strength depends on how much we practice it. And how much we practice it depends on how strong that love is. Human mind is as complex as it is beautiful. And so is human life.

The Hindu philosophy of life that my mother had taught me placed human life at the top of the specialty pyramid. Science places us at the top of the evolutionary pyramid. Seems like an acceptable theory, right?

However, apart from our great brains and thumbs, we have the potential to have great hearts. We have an innate capacity to exceed ourselves, week after week, year after year, generation after generation. This is probably a moment in history, which has given us this one rare opportunity to rise above ourselves. To acknowledge that we’re smaller than the grain of sand. That we’re dependent on coexistence with others. Other genders, races, populations and species. Can Covid-19 lock-down then, bring about a changed world order?

Probably not. What it may bring about, however are uncomfortable questions and their truthful answers in front of those, who are in positions of influence. Or who can strive to be in them.

The choices we make today and in the future need to be made with our complex brains but guided with our deeper hearts. That in itself will be revolutionary enough.

Signing off on a higher note today, than yesterday.

Realizing every-day that it was not ‘Ignorance’ that was a bliss, it was ‘Acceptance’.

Until tomorrow, keep washing your hands J

PS 1 : I stepped out today to help get one can of water. The journey to the society gate and back was almost as terrifying as being in a war zone. Everyone seemed to me as a walk-talking Covid transmitter. What a fucked up time, really!