22nd APRIL 2020 – 29th DAY OF COMPLETE LOCK-DOWN OF INDIA

40^TH DAY OF MY SOCIAL ISOLATION

20,471 POSITIVE, 3,960 RECOVERED, 652 DEAD

General Feeling: “Not every day does one experience intense emotions. Today seemed like a rather dull day except for the fact that I felt very aware of myself and my surroundings. By surroundings, I mostly mean people I work with, my friends and family. I felt aware that everyone is going through a rough patch in their own way. People living with parents, people living without them. Those with company and those alone. So it’s in best interest of everyone to cut some slack and show some love.”

I’ve never been a morning person but this week my morning mood has been excessively awful. The first thought after waking up is “what to fix for breakfast” and it’s certainly not too pleasant. Instead of finding time to relax and soak in the morning sun with a cup of kadak chai, it’s juggling between breakfast, dishes and starting off with work. The days when I am supposed to do common chores is particularly stressful.

I am telling myself to be calm and thankful, nevertheless. I can display my humanity now. Next week I’ll turn into a crying child or a raging monster. Yes, that’s right. The PMS week will be here and by no means is it going to be quiet. The noise in my head will annoy the shit out of me. I don’t even know what people who interact with me go through, when I PMS. For years, I’ve warned boyfriends and parents to not pick up fights with me when I’m PMSing. Since no one really gets it (except mom), I’ve resolved to speaking minimum when I am down or about to be down. That’s the best I can do. Isolate and shut-up. And the lock-down totally helps.

What I also feel aware of is the fact, that time is indeed cyclical. Good and bad times alternate as they come and go. Of all the uncertainty that’s present in our lives, the ‘passage of time’ is indeed certain. I remember my mother reading out ‘Satyanarayan Katha’ in which one of the verses said -

“acche ke baad bura, bure ka baad accha samay aata hi hai”

This thought can keep us going, in the most difficult of times. People may argue that these stories and epics are not logical references. That’s fine. I really don’t care about the reference. Sometimes we should submit our obsession with sources. We should instead focus on the message and the thought. This thought holds universal validity. Time, unlike love, is cyclical.

However memories that time creates tend to fade and sometimes it becomes necessary for one to talk about his or her life to someone or write about it to keep a coherent record of events and feelings. We, amidst our emotions tend to forget a lot of our own sorrows. And unless someone reminds us of how we felt and what we went through, our hearts become way too forgiving. Therefore I often take the pain to talk about my pain and sorrows to my loved ones. It’s not just sharing. It’s also healing.

Anyway, I do want to mention that COVID is here to stay longer than we want to believe. I’ve been reading excessively on how likely it is for us to find a safe and effective vaccine to fight the COVID-19. And if found, how early will it be available in mass proportions for the world. I’ll do a summary of it soon. Hopefully, this weekend. But one thing I do want to put forward right away is that the vaccine is not happening anytime soon.

Also there’s a good chance we may never find a vaccine. “We do not find vaccines against all viruses”, said the director of CDC, Washington. And it’s something to be cognizant of. Therefore the best strategy is to delay the infection, maintain its curve, bolster our healthcare facilities and boost our immunities.

And by the way, immunity is not something you can build in a matter of days or weeks. Sure, one should quit smoking. Sure, one should eat healthy food. But a lot more goes into having a good immunity. It’s not how much one exercises and the BMI one maintains.

It’s dependent on factors that may seem abstract to the layman. It’s a blend of genes, sleep, happiness factor, stress level, existing disorders, past operations, drugs you’ve ingested, food you’ve eaten over your life, temperatures you’ve lived in, etc. etc.

It’s more complicated than we think and our gym trainers or dieticians tell us. I know this because I’ve binge read a lot of stuff. I love to provide links to most information I mention in my posts. But like I said earlier, it’s not about the source or references sometimes. It’s something that must appeal to your common sense. If you know your mind and your body, you should know this.

Awareness, whether about time that has gone by or yet to come is some-what important but difficult.

Awareness, about our present and today is most significant. And hence 'living in the moment' has been a cliché for quite a while.

Mindfulness as a concept tries to teach you this. Yoga does too. But so do simple day-to-day activities which may not sound fancy. Cooking, cleaning, crafting. Making anything with your hands. Something tangible which is an output of your productive genius makes you live in the moment and that is highly fulfilling.

Maybe Marx tried to say this in an entirely different context.

Looking forward to the weekend already.

This is my bed in a hotel room of Seoul. I loved sleeping here. And I wish I lived in that moment so much more than I did. 

Until the next post (cant’ even say ‘tomorrow’ anymore), please ‘live-in-the-moment’